Chasing Unicorns: Chapter 6, Chasing Unicorns, Part 2

Tap cover, to read.

This is the latest installation of a 27-part series, featuring my book, Chasing Unicorns. To read the previous installation, CLICK THIS LINK. For the next post in this series, CLICK THIS LINK. To start at the beginning, CLICK THIS LINK. To read the entire book at once, tap the book cover. Thanks for reading!

RECAP: Yesterday you learned three fun and handy techniques for chasing and catching unicorns, which are: Keeping an open mind, being on the lookout for camouflaged unicorns, and learning new things. But wait, there’s one more thing . . .

Chasing Unicorns, Part 2

Be Trustworthy

There’s one more strategy I’d like to point out. It’s not as obvious as the others I’ve described, but I hope it will be obvious enough, once I point it out.

This is the strategy of being trustworthy.

Every human being we encounter possesses a treasure trove of uniqueness. Everyone has a different background from ourselves. They have different interests, different abilities, different viewpoints, and are different in a multitude of other ways. No two human beings are exactly alike. Not even Siamese twins.

Sometimes people don’t appreciate how unique they are, but that’s only because they live with themselves all the time. Imagine having to live with yourself all the time. How boring would that be?

We are all much more unique to others, than to ourselves. Therefore, we all have much to offer each other, whether we realize it or not. This makes us all unicorns.

There are different ways to catch human unicorns. One way is to hogtie him or her. Make this person your captive. Your slave. Hold the person against your will, and mulct all the uniqueness you can out of this unicorn.

That’s not as far-fetched as it may sound. Slavery has been around, in one form or another, since human beings have walked the Earth. The classic form of whip and chain slavery went mostly extinct back in the 19th century. Well, except for with those who indulge in certain sexual proclivities, but that’s a whole different kind of unicorn.

But other forms of “slavery” persist. For instance, spouses often become enslaved in their marriages, where the manipulations, threats, or pressure from their partners makes it difficult for them to end the relationship.

Many jobs pay what is known as a “slave wage,” where employees barely earn enough to stay alive.

And thefts, burglaries, fraud, and other crimes are common in our world. This to me is a form of slavery. After all, we have to work hard for the money and possessions we come to own. So when somebody steals from us, it’s as if we’ve worked for the thief, for free. That’s slavery, by any other name.

The problem with slavery, is that it can be hard to make slaves cooperate. After all, what is their incentive? And so, the master has to work hard, to make the slave work hard.

Slaves are also not likely to share much of themselves with those who exploit them. That would just leave them vulnerable to more exploitation. And so, when you try to force uniqueness from others, through slavery, you end up with far less uniqueness than they are capable of sharing with you.

When faced with tyranny, people tend to clam up, close up, and dry up, and make their best effort to passively rebel. If they don’t actively rebel. This leaves the tyrant a lonely person. Tyrants miss out on the wonderful variety of qualities that make each and every one of us fascinating, unique beings. Unicorns, in fact.

So if you want to catch a lot of unicorns, try being trustworthy. Be harmless to others. And honor their freedom. Freedom is the most precious right that humans and any other being can possess. We must have freedom so we can pursue unicorns, untrammeled, and find our happiness.

When you avoid harming and enslaving others, and when you honor their freedom, you make it possible to win their trust. And when you’re trustworthy, they’re most likely to share themselves with you. They’ll share the things that make them so unique. And in this way, you’ll capture a unicorn.

Which must sound kind of ironic, because you have to allow unicorns to be free, before you can catch them. And the way you hold onto them, is by continuing to allow their freedom.

Trustworthiness is won in other ways also. For instance, when you take care of yourself in a competent way, you free others from the burden of taking care of you. So the more independent you are, or at least try to be, the more likely you are to win the trust of others.

Being competent in what you do for a living is also a good way to win trust. Nobody has to cover for you. And your employer or customers receive quality for the money they pay you.

Quietly and anonymously helping others can also win trust. The way this works is by the way it affects your demeanor. People can sense untrustworthiness. It shows up in the little things we may do. It displays in many ways that we have no control over, including in the way we fidget, or the way we express ourselves, and in the things we pay attention to.

Often our demeanor is displayed in such subtle ways, it registers in the subconscious of others. They get a feeling about you, that they can’t quite put their finger on. But that feeling may lead them to either trust you or not trust you.

So if you’ve been quietly cheating and thieving from others without ever getting caught, it will still show up in your demeanor, and lead to being distrusted. Nobody ever gets away with anything.

And neither can you get away with quietly and anonymously helping others. This too will show up in your demeanor. While you are being all modest and secretive, your demeanor will be inadvertently announcing to the world just how trustworthy you are.

And that little trick will help you to catch unicorns, even when you’re not even trying to catch them.

I hope I’ve passed trustworthiness off as an obvious and conventional way to catch unicorns and enrich your life with unique experiences. And I hope it makes sense.

But the next hunting technique is a whole different ballgame. There’s nothing conventional about it, nor anything obvious. And it’s hard to make sense of it. It’s a secret weapon you can use, to corral unicorns before you have to chase them.

And those unicorns are waiting for you right now, with heads raised, ears perked, and nostrils flared. Over in the next chapter.


Chasing Unicorns: Chapter 6, Chasing Unicorns, Part 1

Tap cover, to read.

This is the latest installation of a 27-part series, featuring my book, Chasing Unicorns. To read the previous installation, CLICK THIS LINK. For the next post in this series, CLICK THIS LINK. To start at the beginning, CLICK THIS LINK. To read the entire book at once, tap the book cover. Thanks for reading!

RECAP: Yesterday I introduced you to Unicorn Theory, which states that unique experiences can be as elusive and rare as spotting a unicorn. Everyone has unique experiences now and then, due to blind luck. But when you know how to hunt unicorns, you can have a lot more unique experiences than mere chance will allow.

Chasing Unicorns, Part 1

In this chapter we’ll chase unicorns, as they scatter helter-skelter, hither and yon. But in the next chapter we’ll save our breath and leisurely traipse down a meditative path, leading to the source of unicorns.

Chasing unicorns involves following some rather obvious strategies. And the most obvious, if you haven’t already guessed, is to keep an open mind. Hmm, who would’ve thunk?

An Open Mind

In this book, a unicorn symbolizes a unique experience. And it’s very apparent that if you want to have more unique experiences than your average closed-minded person, you have to keep your mind open enough to involve yourself in unique experiences.

It may be tempting to stay in a safe little corner, but your life will always be boring if you’re not willing to take a risk and try out new things.

I can provide all kinds of examples of unique things to do, such as, visit a rattlesnake zoo, read War and Peace, climb Mount Kilimanjaro, attend clown school, pick wild strawberries, paint your bathroom pink, learn rocket science, or buy a pet snapping turtle. But I don’t know your life. Maybe you’ve done all these things already.

What’s unique to one person may not be so unique to another. So nobody can tell you what is unique. It’s personal. You have to figure it out for yourself. And you can only do that if you maintain an open mind.

One reason why we get stuck in a rut is because ruts are relatively safe. Even when ruts involves situations that others might find dangerous, they’re relatively safe to us rut-dwellers because we’re accustomed to such situations. They’re the devil we know.

You may feel content in your rut, and if so, good for you. But if you want to have more excitement and happiness in life than your mere contentment, you must be willing to take a risk, and step away from your routine.

And there is a risk. Unicorns can be frisky and unpredictable. And they have sharp horns. If you’re not careful, you can be skewered.

It’s the same with unique experiences. Because such experiences are so unique, they’re unpredictable. They can mess you up badly. So they must be approached with caution.

Yes, use caution. But they must be approached if you want to experience them. You’ll never catch a unicorn by running and hiding from it. No, you must chase the unicorn. Only then can you feel the thrill and happiness from having such a creature in your possession.

Be On the Lookout

Another obvious strategy for chasing unicorns, is to be on the lookout for them. Unicorns tend to be elusive creatures, and you’re not likely to spot one by staring at the ground. So remind yourself now and then to pay attention.

When you consciously try to identify unique experiences, you’ll become amazed as to how many are out there, right under your nose. Unicorns are masters at camouflage.

For instance, have you been casually observing over the years, your wife knitting sweaters? Have you ever wondered how she pulls off such craftwork? Well, there’s a unicorn for you, right there. You can learn how to knit.

Are you mystified at how your husband can fix cars? There’s a unicorn. Start helping him, or pick up a book on auto repair.

These are just a few tiny examples of how unicorns camouflage themselves, hiding in plain sight, to be spotted only by those who diligently keep on the lookout.

And this brings up my next conventional and obvious strategy for hunting, chasing, and capturing unicorns. The strategy of learning new things.


Areas of knowledge that are new to you always make for dandy unicorns, because, well, they are so new. Obviously.

There are many ways to learn something new. You can buy, borrow, or steal a book. This day and age there are zillions of books, due to the boom in self-publishing, so you have lots of unique reading material to choose from. In fact you chose this book, so you’re already on your way to catching unicorns through the strategy of learning. And thank you very much.

You can also take a college course. Or change departments, where you work. Or google the hell out of subjects and learn stuff on the internet. Or observe carefully, the way people do things. Or just ask a lot of questions.

You can never run out of new, fascinating things to learn. Learning supplies a never-ending herd of unicorns to chase after and catch.

[That’s enough chasing. It’s time for a breather. But I have another trick up my sleeve, so come on back tomorrow, when I’ll show you another useful technique for chasing and catching unicorns.]


Chasing Unicorns: Chapter 5, Unicorn Theory

Tap cover, to read.

This is the latest installation of a 27-part series, featuring my book, Chasing Unicorns. To read the previous installation, CLICK THIS LINK. For the next post in this series, CLICK THIS LINK. To start at the beginning, CLICK THIS LINK. To read the entire book at once, tap the book cover. Thanks for reading!

RECAP: In the last chapter, we learned about uniqueness, and how it affects the level of change we experience. The more unique a change, the more life and enjoyment we can derive from it. Uniqueness is the sweet spot! It’s the fulfillment of fantasy. It’s the strange and unexpected. It’s an escape from the mundane. In fact it’s an infinite amount of things, because it’s anything unpredictable or unusual.

Unicorn Theory

I’d love to describe uniqueness for you, so that you can recognize it whenever you see it, and grab hold of it and make it a part of your life. But unfortunately, uniqueness defies description. That’s because what is unique to you now will not be unique later.

Yeah, it’s a dilemma. A fucking dilemma! Uniqueness simply cannot be contained in a convenient formula, system of thought, or method of living. Uniqueness runs wild as a unicorn. It’s elusive. It’s rare. It’s constantly transforming itself. It’s even more elusive than me, when I’m trying to avoid religious people at my front door.

Spotting something unique is like spotting a unicorn. There it stands in its splendor and majesty. You can hardly believe it. So you rub your eyes, look again, and it’s gone.

Unicorn Theory

Which brings us to Unicorn Theory. Unicorn Theory states that unique experiences can be as elusive and rare as spotting a unicorn. And if you’ve ever spotted one, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Doesn’t happen very often, does it?

But when it does happen, it’s one hell of a thrill. So wouldn’t it be nice if it happened more often than once in a blue moon?

My Auto-Enjoyment Theory, in Chapter 4, asserts that life is automatically enjoyed. I believe in this theory. I think most people are automatically enjoying life, and are happy. In fact, I think you are probably happy right now, even though you’re reading this book. Now that’s some strong happiness!

And if that’s the case, why the hell did I write this book? Why am I wasting my time preaching to the choir, mailing junk mail to wrecking yards, and sending sardines to Sardinia?

And before you start guessing, it has nothing to do with the terms of any probation, requiring me to have gainful employment. Believe me, nobody is going to buy this book. There’s nothing gainful about this writing endeavor. Just don’t tell my probation officer.

I’m writing this book because I think it can be helpful to lots of people. And if so, that will make me famous. I lust for fame. I want the experience of punching out irritating paparazzi. I want to make the talk show rounds, so I can say all the politically incorrect stuff to get canceled from culture. Culture? Bah! Who needs it?

I want the name of Tippy Gnu to become a household word. Just what is a household word, anyway? Most of the words I hear around my household are of the four-letter variety. Regardless, I want that. I think it would be cool to have my name uttered in every household. Even if it replaces words like, shit, damn, or fuck, I can think of no higher honor.

If you’re happy, and you probably are, I think you can still benefit from this book. And if you aren’t happy, then I know you’ll benefit. But if you’re happy, this book can help you to be even happier. Happiness is a good thing, in my opinion. So why not get more of a good thing?

This book teaches that change produces happiness, since life is change, and life is automatically enjoyed. It also teaches that the more unique the change, the more happiness it will produce. And that’s where this book can be helpful. I’m going to show you how to increase the uniqueness of your experiences.

But there’s one problem. We must contend with Unicorn Theory. Remember, it states that unique experiences can be as elusive and rare as spotting a unicorn.

Now technically, all experiences are unique to some degree, because no two experiences are exactly the same. So this theory refers to experiences that are very unique. Unique in a standout way. The kind of experiences that leave you feeling thrilled, intrigued, fascinated, or otherwise very happy.

When I wrote the Unicorn Theory, I wrote it with the attitude of a Philadelphia lawyer. I was being slick and sly. So check the theory out again, and read it carefully. Note my use of the word, “can,” when I say, “unique experiences can be as elusive and rare as spotting a unicorn.” Consider that it doesn’t say “are.” Yeah, clever of me, huh?

Now I have an out. What I mean by all this slick bafflegab is, that unique experiences CAN be elusive and rare, but they don’t have to be. If you know how to search for unique experiences, then they can occur fairly often.

In other words, you have to know how to hunt unicorns (using unicorns as a metaphor for unique experiences), before you can spot them frequently. And after you learn the skill of the hunt, you’ll find yourself surrounded by these magical creatures. They won’t be so elusive and rare, after all. In fact, you’ll have so many unicorns around you, with their horns up your ass, that you won’t quite know what to do with them all.

It’s important to note that everybody catches a unicorn now and them. Life has enough odd twists and turns to allow these one-horned critters to make occasional appearances in anyone’s life, just by chance.

But what I’m going to show is how to increase the odds, so that you’ll catch more than you’ll likely ever capture by depending upon pure, blind luck.

First, I’m going to reveal some rather obvious strategies. Conventional stuff you’ve probably already thought of. Then I’ll unveil an unconventional strategy. The unconventional strategy is not so obvious. It’s a secret weapon for hunting unicorns that is more effective than any nightscope, fancy bait, or unicorn whistle ever invented.

With the conventional, obvious strategy, you’re chasing unicorns. With the unconventional, not so obvious strategy, you’re tracking the path of unicorns, and discovering where they come from. It’s a mystical, magical, meditative path, which we’ll get to soon.

But first, let’s learn how to chase the unicorns that have already made it down that path.

[Go out and buy some running shoes. Tomorrow you’ll be chasing one-horned creatures all over fucking hell.]


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