Three Bad Jokes Challenge

Hi! We’re Jack & Jenny Ass, the masscots of this pathetic blog. Here are three bad jokes we stole from some other jackasses. Your challenge is to read them without cracking a smile. Otherwise, you’ll get a kick out of us.

Bad Joke

People with guns rob banks. People with banks rob everyone.

Badder Joke

I believe if we ever had a woman president, she’d never get us into a war with another country. She’d just stop talking to them.

Baddest Joke

I’m an Angels baseball fan. I think they’re twice as good as any other team. After all, their name, “The Los Angeles Angels,” literally translates to “The the Angels Angels.”

Stolen Quote: Wreckage

What most people don’t seem to realize is that there is just as much money to be made out of the wreckage of a civilization as from the up-building of one.

Margaret Mitchell, Author of Gone with the Wind

Whew, that’s a relief. I thought I was going to go broke from all these wars.

Inflated Gas

A hillbilly credit card, otherwise known as a siphon hose.

Gas has inflated substantially this year, and I’m not referring to all the political speeches ahead of November’s mid-term elections. No, I’m referring to the price of that awful tasting juice we pump into our cars. And I know it’s awful tasting because I’ve tried siphoning it a few times, through my hillbilly credit card.

Gone are the good ol’ days, when you could fill your 15-gallon tank for a mere three bucks. That was back in 1930, when gas sold for 20 cents a gallon. But in 1930, 20 cents went a heck of a long ways. I did a little research and found that two dimes that year equates to $3.46 in 2022 money.

But still, the national average price of gas is $4.86, as of this writing, on June 6, 2022. So, when adjusting for inflation, it seems we’re paying substantially more to fill our tanks this year, than our ancestors were spending on their Model T’s, 92 years ago.

This left me wondering how the price of gas compared with the years after 1930. So I got on Google, and dug my calculator out, and changed the spark plug in my brain, along with a few other tune-ups, then fired my thinker up to arrive at some scientific-like conclusions.

With the help of Google, I made a chart showing the national average price of gasoline at five-year intervals from 1930 through 2020. And then, using the geniuses at the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (who also know how many times I’ve been fired from a job), I found the Consumer Price Index for each of all those years. From that I was able to add a column to my chart, showing the price of gas in 2022 dollars, for each of those years.

Here are my results:

YearActual Price2022 Price
1930$0.20$3.46
1935$0.19$4.01
1940$0.18$3.72
1945$0.21$3.37
1950$0.27$3.24
1955$0.29$3.13
1960$0.31$3.03
1965$0.31$2.85
1970$0.36$2.62
1975$0.57$2.97
1980$1.19$3.98
1985$1.12$2.96
1990$1.15$2.48
1995$1.15$2.16
2000$1.51$2.50
2005$2.30$3.36
2010$2.79$3.66
2015$2.45$2.98
2020$2.17$2.40
2021$3.04$3.15
2022$4.86$4.86

Notice how the 2022 equivalent price doesn’t change much until 2022? I felt surprised on seeing this, how gas prices have been so stable. At least until this year.

I averaged these numbers out, and found that the average 2022 equivalent price of gas, from 1930 through 2020, is $3.10 per gallon. Thus, today’s price of gas, at $4.86 per gallon, is about 57% above the historical average. It’s also the highest we Americans have ever had to pay for gas. The second highest price occurred in 1935, when the piss-poor peons suffering during the Great Depression were shelling out $4.01 per gallon (in 2022 dollars).

Our President Biden likes to blame Russian President Putin for our high gas prices, due to the war he started in Ukraine. But the Ukraine war can’t be the whole reason. When you look at gas prices in 1945, 1965, and 1970, when the U.S. was at war, gas cost substantially less than today. And today, we’re not even in a war.

Some blame the high price of gas on Biden, who they say is making it more difficult for oil companies to drill for oil. They claim he wants gasoline to be so expensive we’ll buy electric cars. That way we can decrease global warming. But hell, when I examine my skyrocketing electric bills these days, I shudder at the prospect of plugging a car into my house.

This left me wondering if the president actually wants us to trade our gas-guzzling cars for a good pair of hiking boots. So I got online and researched the price of hiking boots. And, holy shit! It seems my actual footprint is getting to be about as expensive as my carbon footprint.

Maybe instead of a road trip or hiking trail this summer, I’ll just stay home. I’ll sit around in my livingroom, wearing slippers, while listening to the inflated gas of politicians on TV, who rail about the inflated price of gas.

###

Marie Lamba, author

Some thoughts from author and agent Marie Lamba

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