My Apology Here

With great embarrassment and contrition, I’m writing this post to apologize for yesterday’s post. Yesterday I posted a sign in the widget sidebar that said, “Your Ass Here.” I intended that sign to read “Your Ad Here,” and have now corrected the spelling. I can explain this mistake, and I hope you’ll be kind enough to hear me out.

It is not my policy to post profanity on my blog. At least, not in such a conspicuous manner. This is a family blog, and children read my posts.

By the way, the following message is for any child who saw yesterday’s post:

Ass=Donkey

Ass = Donkey

Kids, the sign you saw on Uncle Tippy’s blog that read, “You’re Ass Here” was about donkeys. Just like the donkey named Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. Did you know that “ass” is another word for donkey? So that’s what my sign was about. I wanted to see pictures of donkeys on my blog.

Now stop reading. The rest of this post is for adults only.

Alright, let me continue. I’m sorry for misspelling the word “Ad” yesterday. It’s nobody’s fault but my own. I’ve been having a bit of trouble in the nether regions lately. Seems I’ve developed an allergy to Preparation H, and my hindquarters have been foremost on my mind these days. The best way I can put my finger on it is, I felt an itch at the exact moment I created the sign, and the wrong word must have slipped into my spelling.

I’m a real asshole for allowing that to happen. And I’m definitely a shitbird for not proofreading my post. I mean, fuck me to tears, this is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done.

I hope you’ll forgive me, and I promise never to let it happen again.

Your Ad Here

Your Ad Here

I have a new widget in my sidebar that I hope will not bother you. It’s a message that says, “Your Ad Here.”

Some people find messages like this disturbing. They want bloggers to be above this sort of thing. We’re supposed to put everything we have into our work, and not get anything in return. So let me make this clear. This blog is no charity, and I’m no saint. I want a piece of the action, baby!

If you share my ambition to be rich and famous, consider the opportunity presented by my sidebar message. Imagine all the exposure you’ll receive, from what you put onto that space. And think of the revenue you can generate. I guarantee you’ll be excited when you see your bottom line, and people keep entering your business.

Now if you’re a purist blog reader who doesn’t like this sort of thing, what goes in that space over there may really stink. But I encourage you to examine it carefully, and respond in a positive manner if you honestly like what you see. Who knows, you may enjoy it so much you’ll want to buy what’s being offered.

Don’t sit on this opportunity. With my blog, you’re poised to crack the market wide open. Get the exposure you’ve been dreaming about, and let the world discover everything about you.

Note: Unfortunately, I misspelled the word “ad”. Click here for my apology.

A Suicide Disclaimer

"Le Suicide" - Edouard Manet

“Le Suicide” – Edouard Manet

I mention a Suicide Prevention Hotline several times in my About pages. And I’ve posted about it. You may be wondering, is this real? You may also wonder if I’m making light of suicide. Perhaps it’s time for a disclaimer.

According to the American Association of Suicidology, suicide is the tenth leading cause of death. It’s a serious problem.

One of my blogging buddies, Elyse, at FiftyFourandAHalf, once posted about her own attempted suicide many years ago. It’s a funny post, but also a serious post. It’s a detailed description of an involved set of circumstances that eventually led to a sudden decision to kill herself by tetherball. Elyse points out in this post that many suicides are spur-of-the-moment decisions.

Suicide is a heavy subject, and one that many people don’t like to think about or discuss. I don’t blame them. Nothing gets gloomier than the idea of taking one’s own life. But it’s important to think about if you want to avoid being suicidal. So I try to lighten the topic with humor.

I believe suicide begins long before any impulsive decision to commit it. It begins with a mindset. The mindset we allow ourselves to fall into can lead us down a dark path toward a precipitous brink.

We turn ourselves into time bombs, waiting for just the right set of circumstances to trigger the explosion of suicide. I believe that many suicidal people have no awareness of the dynamite lying dormant in their psyche. They don’t recognize their own self-destructive potential.

My Suicide Prevention Hotline shtick is about revealing the kind of mindset that leads to suicide. For example, my Donald Who? post concerns itself with people who take politics so seriously, they easily become disappointed and depressed. Such people are suicidal, in my view, whether they realize it or not.

Suicide prevention begins when we recognize we’re on the path to our own demise. We all get on that path from time to time. The earlier we notice, the sooner we can change course. That’s why it’s important to be able to think about it. (And I mean think, not contemplate.)

I also believe suicide isn’t always such a bad thing. We all have suicidal tendencies to some degree. It’s a necessary part of human nature. For example, who wouldn’t risk their own life to save someone they love? What we have to guard against is taking our suicidal tendencies to an irrational level.

When we can recognize the mindset that leads to suicide, we learn how to avoid getting into such a frame of mind. Staying out of that frame of mind makes us less suicidal, and a whole lot happier.

And now, here’s the disclaimer:

Disclaimer: My Suicide Prevention Hotline is fictional. If you’re feeling hopeless and would like a skilled, trained counselor to talk to, try calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). They’re real, and available 24/7.

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