9/4/21, 9:47 am
I saw on the news that elderly people can get a sickness called Sundowner Syndrome, or SS. I always like to research illnesses I hear about in the news, because I invariably end up catching them. And usually my research is just in the nick of time, because I seem to catch the illnesses, with all the classic symptoms, right after conducting the research. It helps to be a well-informed patient.
9/4/21, 9:49 am
I’ll start my research right after I finish this bowl of prunes for breakfast.
9/4/21, 10:05 am
Prunes are down, colon is churning, and I thought I’d get in a little of that research before the time for my constitutional arrives. Let’s see, according to Wikipedia, this here disease is also called Sundowning. Wow, that sounds kind of depressing. Reminds me of that Elton John song, Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me. In fact, he’s an old dude now, just like me. I wonder if he’s a Sundowner? Sadly, maybe the sun has indeed finally gone down on Sir John. Speaking of John, it’s time now for my constitutional.
9/4/21, 11:06 am
I feel so refreshed. And now that the second favorite part of my day is over, it’s back to the research. It appears that Sundowning occurs right around sunset. People with dementia are usually the ones that get it. For them, the sun slipping over the horizon seems to make them crazier than they normally are. But some old fogies who don’t even have dementia can also be Sundowners. No one quite knows what causes this condition. My theory is werewolves. Ever notice how so many old people have the features of lycanthropes? They’re all hirsute, with hair growing out of their ears, nostrils, back, etc. And when that sun goes down, maybe some of us want to go out and howl at the moon, just like the dogs we’re becoming.
9/4/21, 12:00 pm
9/4/21, 1:27 pm
My favorite part of the day is over. So now I have to knuckle down and do some serious work on this Sundowner Syndrome stuff. There are various ways to treat Sundowners. One is to have us maintain a consistent sleeping schedule. I’m all for that. That’s why I call the cops on the neighbor kids so much. Seems they’re always playing real loud in the street, and sometimes they have all the nerve to chase a loose ball onto my front yard. I have to keep watch to run the little invaders off.
9/4/21, 2:03 pm
I’ve been yawning and drifting off quite a bit, so I think it’s time for another nap.
9/4/21, 3:46 pm
Staring at my computer. What the hell was I doing before my nap? Oh yeah, that damned Sundowner research. I sure as hell am tired of that. Time for some Solitaire.
9/4/21, 5:00 pm
Dinner time. Hey? What happened to lunch? Must have slept through it.
9/4/21, 5:28 pm
Dinner made me sleepy. Time for another nap.
9/4/21, 6:52 pm
I woke up and it seems to be getting a little dark in the house. What the Sam Hill is going on here? Jesus Christ, it’s that late?! Can’t see the keyboard for my fingers. I know–I’ll light a candle.
9/4/21, 7:21 pm
Been rummaging in the garage for the past half-hour, looking for a candle. Found one, but when I lit it, it made a whistling sound, shot up like a rocket ship, and bounced off the ceiling and walls. Hit me in the back of the pants and started a little fire. Must be a bad batch of candles in that box. I bought them July of last year, so maybe they’re getting a little old. But my wife suggested that instead of using a candle I could just flip on the light switch. Brilliant idea! Why didn’t I think of that?
9/4/21, 7:38 pm
I’ve been staring at my computer for some time now, before finally figuring out what I’m researching. Let’s see Down’s Syndrome is a genetic disorder that often causes an intellectual disability. What was that noise? Better grab the flashlight and investigate. I hope it’s not those damn neighbor kids.
9/4/21, 8:12 pm
My wife told me that the wiener dog is not a flashlight. Why are there so many things in this world that look similar? It’s so damn confusing. The noise was caused by settlement of our house foundation. Our house is built directly over a sinkhole. I know this. But no one will believe me. One day you won’t hear from me anymore, so just be aware that I will be buried about 5,000 miles beneath the surface of the Earth. Anyway, back to writing my post about the SS. They are Hitler’s henchmen and do all of his dirty work. I hide in my closet whenever I hear anyone outside in the evening, because one night they may break down my front door and haul me off to a concentration camp. You see, I belong to the resistance. Which reminds me. I think this evening I’ll sneak out of bed, head for downtown, and blow up that bridge with some of those defective candles.
9/4/21, 9:16 pm
My wife has informed me that the coast is clear. The SS has bypassed our house. She told me to post my article about dromedary camels, because it’s time to go to bed. Did you know that the Humpback of Notre Dame rode a camel? My wife is looking impatient. I’ll post this in the morning.
9/4/21, 9:30 pm
“Good night, dear wife. Yes, I promise I’ll be here in the morning.” (Heh, heh, better look out, Nazis.)