An April Fools’ Game
It’s said that a fool and his money are soon parted. Well, this is April Fools’ Day, so how about if we play a game involving money? Don’t worry, if you’re wise you won’t lose anything.
In this game, I’ll assert four sets of two premises each, related to money. Then you’ll try to guess which premise in each set is true, and which is an April Fools’ joke. But be forewarned, there’s a joker in the deck—in some sets, both premises may be true, or both may be a joke.
If you get every set right, you’re a financial genius. If you guess three out of four correctly, you have sharp business acumen. If you only guess two correctly, you need financial help. Send me a thousand simoleans, and I’ll send you some financial advice. If you guess only one correctly, you’re a fool with your money. Please send it to me, today. If you guess none correctly, you probably have no money. So never mind.
Answers found at bottom of post.
1) Banks in California are no longer stockpiling vials of H20. This is due to a sudden surplus in this erstwhile rare element. Lately, H20 has seemingly appeared from nowhere, literally falling from the California sky. This has caused its price to crash on the commodities market, leading to several bank failures.
2) Many areas of California have truly been inundated with H20 this season. This includes Donner Pass, which has already received 714 inches of precipitation. Their full-season average is 360 inches, and their record is 812 inches (set in 1952).
1) The City of San Francisco, California has formed a reparations committee, tasked with exploring the payment of reparations to its black residents, for damage caused by slavery and systemic racism. After holding hearings, and listening to a long line of black San Franciscans expostulate wholeheartedly for reparations, the committee has made more than 100 recommendations. And the recommendations have received enthusiastic support from the city’s board of supervisors. These proposed reparations, for every eligible black adult, include: 1) A payment of $5 million, 2) the elimination of all personal debt, including credit card debt, 3) guaranteed annual incomes of at least $97,000 for 250 years, and 4) homes in San Francisco for just $1.00 per black family. It is estimated that such reparations will cost every non-black family in the city a mere $600,000.
2) Also present at the reparations committee hearings was a line of thousands of white San Franciscans, who expressed their unbridled eagerness to pay reparations to their fellow black citizens, to assuage guilt over slavery.
1) Recently, the Silicon Valley Bank (SVB), located in Santa Clara, California, collapsed under the weight of foolish management decisions. 85% of the deposits in this bank were uninsured, and many of these uninsured deposits were owned by large tech companies. The federal government has decided to waive its $250,000 FDIC insurance limit, and is spending hundreds of billions of dollars to make every depositor whole. This will cost the average American taxpayer at least $1,200 each.
2) Silicon Valley Bank managers in California received bonuses of up to $140,000, just hours before it collapsed. Meanwhile, it’s United Kingdom division paid out over $18 million in bonuses, just days after it was rescued by HSBC bank.
1) The average American is 39-years old, and is in debt $96 thousand dollars. That’s $2,462 of debt for every year the average American has been in existence.
2) The universe is 13.8 billion years old, and the U.S. national debt is $31 trillion dollars. That’s $2,246 of debt for every year the universe has been in existence.
First Set: Premise #1 is an April Fools’ joke. But Premise #2 is true. While the precipitation amounts may seem implausible, the precipitation is in the form of snow.
Second Set: Premise #1 is true. Premise #2 is an April Fools’ joke.
Third Set: Premise #1 is an April Fools’ joke, because taxpayers will not be paying for the bailout of SVB bank. Rather, the cost will be passed down to every bank account holder in the USA, in the form of increased bank fees. Premise #2, concerning the bonuses, is true.
Fourth Set: Both premises are true. And I hope it helps to put the national debt into perspective, so that its astronomically large number becomes universally relatable to the average American.