Category: Blog

Blogging in Paradise

FIRST DRAFT! KEEP REVISING. DON’T POST YET.

So you want too be a blogger?

Theirs nothing harter than writing a goddamned post. 1st you got to spell things rigth corectally. Than you got to corect all the grammer. Otherwise the spelling Nasis and Grammer Nasiz will be all over you.

The wurst thing about riding a post is all the reriding. It take me about a 100 drafts to get it rite.

Blogging is all about removing your bra unbosoming and revealing the inner depths of your heart. Its about telling spreading propagating you’re personal take opinion viewpoint — ah fuck this, check the thesaurus — weltanschauung to the world utilizing simple, easy to understand language.

Then, after youve’ composed a whole danged article, you now have to compost a title. And it better be good, otherwise noone will read or like the post. It doesnt not have to have anything to do about the actual article, but it batter be creative.

I try to follow the examples set by other bloggers, such as

Note: Change names to avoid a lawsuit.

Goober, A Lease, Vick’s Toe, Joneses, Mr. Hatchling, Smile Alarm, and Trench. There stile has inspired me manny times.

So iff ewe want to try blogging, just understand how difficult hard it can be. Hours and ours of labor go into it. You must polish, polish, Polish. Other bloggers rarely like wat you right the first time. What you write.

But if you get just one like, even if its just you’re own. Than its worth it.

Self-Liking

LikeButton

A few days ago I inadvertently hit the Like button on one of my posts. I started to remove the Like when I thought, “Wait a second, what’s not to like here?”

And then my angels took over.

Good Angel (on my right shoulder): It isn’t fair to Like your own posts.

Evil Angel (on my left shoulder): Who said blogging is fair? Go back and Like all of your posts.

Good Angel: You’ll get stuck up and conceited.

Evil Angel: You already are. And has it harmed you? No, you’re perfect.

Good Angel: It’s trite to Like your own posts.

Evil Angel: It’s trite to engage in this inner debate. Just do it and move on.

Good Angel: What if a post really isn’t that good? If you Like it, then you may not be receptive to constructive feedback from all the non-Likes you don’t receive. Or do receive. Or whatever. Now I’m confused.

Evil Angel: Don’t listen to that confused imbecile! Like, like, like! It’s a war out there and he who dies with the most Likes wins.

I’m still not sure. Can anyone help me with this ethical debate? Is it okay to Like your own posts?

Rave Reviews

SpamReviews

I think I’ve finally caught a unicorn! I’ve discovered that this blog has received rave reviews. Now, fame seems to be just around the corner. I found these reviews by going through a maze of clicks. For some reason, WordPress has been hiding them from my view, on an obscure page called Spam. But that’s the way unicorns are. They’re very elusive.

Here are some of the outstanding reviews my sensational, superlative blog has received:

“Magnificent goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you’re just too fantastic.” – silvanomorandi.

“I would like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this site. I am hoping the same high-grade blog post from you in the upcoming also.” – diadelcazador.

“I am just commenting to make you understand of the helpful discovery my cousin’s princess found reading through the blog. She picked up a good number of pieces, which included what it is like to have a marvelous helping character to have many others completely learn several specialized matters.” – dyrlaegevagten.

“楼主,请原谅我的自私!我知道无论用多么华丽的辞藻来形容楼主您帖子的精彩程度都是不够的,都是虚伪的,所以我只想说” – sesexy.

“Thank you a lot for sharing this with all people you really know what you’re talking approximately!” – aeiautomocion.

“This video post is actually enormous, the sound feature and the picture quality of this tape post is in fact awesome.” – thomasbiler. (I don’t do video or tape posts, but thanks for the rave review, Thomas.)

Who knows, you may have rave reviews hidden on your blog, also. To find them, hover over My Sites, then click on WP Admin. Then click on Comments. Finally, click on the Spam menu, under the Comments heading. That’s a long information scent to follow, but no one ever said catching a unicorn was easy.

Ahem! Excuse me.

Ling & Buttons02

Ahem! Excuse me, please. I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Tippy Gnu (pronounced Guh-new). This is my first official post, on my new blog, Chasing Unicorns.

I’m very excited about this new blog, and plan to post very frequently. At least once per hour. But I’m also extremely lazy, so it’s going to take a lot of self-discipline to keep up such a hectic posting pace.

I’ll try to keep my daily posts polished, well-researched, and credible. That way, once every other day you’ll be able to count on me to provide delicious provender for your mind.

When my weekly post appears on your reader, please take the time to read it, even if it seems to be a first draft. I’m a busy guy and take lots of naps. I don’t always have time to ensure that my subjects have preceded my predicates, and all that other sentence-structure folderol.

Besides, you’ll only be hearing from me once a month. It takes a while for me to do the legal research required to ensure I don’t get sued for some of the lies facts I want to tell.

Now, when my annual post comes rolling up your reader, please peruse it carefully and submit a thoughtful comment. I really want to hear from you. Even if it’s just a smart-ass remark you want to make. Your thoughts mean the world to me. Yawn. I promise you I’ll have something snarky and mordant sophisticated and considerate to say in response.

So, I encourage you to follow my blog, read my post that will eventually arrive, and then engage me in smart-alecky comment repartee.

I promise it will be a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Don’t Look

Please don’t look at this blog. It’s still under development.

Okay, okay, so I can’t stop you from looking. But please don’t tell anyone about it, until I officially launch it. The official launch date is projected to be somewhere around February 1st.

Until then, I’ve got my thinking cap on, trying to think up my first post. In fact, I’ve already thunk real hard on it, and have some ideas.

It’s gonna be great, as Donald Trump always says. You’re gonna love my first post. And I’m going to make Mexico pay for it.

See you Feb 1st!