My name is Tippy Gnu (pronounced Guh-new).

I can be contacted at:

I won’t bother you with my life story, except to say that I was very young when I was born. Also, knowing what I know now, if I could live my life over again I would definitely live it differently. I would become a stock trader and thoroughbred handicapper.

Life stories are boring. I want to save your jaw from the strain of too much yawning. So instead of my autobiography, the following is a list of my vital statistics. I hope you find this data very interesting and exciting, and useful at getting to know me and the timbre of my character.

Age: Vintage
Marital Status: Happy
Wife’s Name: Kay Yak Gnu
Sex: We tolerate it
Children: 4 dogs and 1 cat
Race: North American
Height: Shrinking
Weight: Expanding
Location: Cyberia
Occupation: Pension Check Manager
Alma Mater: Delay Work University
Hobby: Becoming rich and famous, so that all the stupid, embarrassing things I’ve done will be validated
Socioeconomic Status: Not rich and famous enough
Political Party: Cynicrat
Religion: Unicorniks