The ghosts of beastslayers haunt my genes. As metal monsters hurry past my dwelling, those ghosts whisper, “Conquer! Slay! Tame!
“Prove you are a man!”
The forefathers of my beastslayer genes wielded atlatl and bone knife as they stalked the big beasts of plains and forest. For them, slaying beasts was a rite of passage. It also meant survival, and status within their tribe. Those most likely to pass their genes on to generations that led to you and me, were those possessing the sharpest eyes, strongest arms, quickest legs, and greatest thirst for the kill.
It’s impossible to wipe out eons of genetic memory in just a few generations of Industrial Age civilization. So although my brain sees cars or trucks, or a freeway jammed with traffic, my gut senses cervine, ungulates, and herds of other assorted wild beasts.
It is my manly right and tribal duty to slay these chiseled creatures.
My atlatl is a wrench. My bone knife is a screwdriver. The hide I take is the rag I wipe my greasy hands upon. I stand proudly over beast and under hood in my front yard, as occasional tribal members amble by as pedestrians, barely noticing my savage sport. But somewhere in the guts of these neighborhood strangers, the excitement of viewing my conquest must stir at least a little bit of primordial blood.
A thrust of the atlatl, er wrench. The carving turn of my bone knife (screwdriver). The removal of a sumptuous organ (auto part) from the fallen, butchered animal (my wife’s car).
And finally I am complete. I mean, the job is done.
I have successfully replaced the air filter.
And another beast is slain.
Categories: Humor
Chasing Unicorns 
I can honestly say that I have never thought I would be so intrigued with a story about automotive repair. Good job! If you can make auto repair exciting to read about, you may be able to make even math exciting! No, you can only do so much, that would be an impossible task.
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Hmm, math? Now you’ve thrown down the gauntlet. Maybe I’ll do a math post in the future. In the meantime, now that you’ve learned something about auto repair, it’s time for you to get busy changing the air filter and oil, and rotating the tires, on that golden beast of yours.
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Oh gosh! That wasn’t exactly meant as a challenge. But if its good enough you may earn gold stars. Though….I think I did say a week or two ago that certain stooges didn’t deserve gold stars! I had been too generous with them.
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You seem conflicted about gold stars. I think maybe you should hand them over and allow me to take care of them.
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Ha! Nice try. I know what you do with them. You throw them on the floor under your recliner.
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Well, that’s where I hide all my valuables.
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Oh and tires have already been rotated amd oil changed. No, not by me, its safer that way!
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But did they tighten the bolts on the gate deflector?
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😶🤚!!
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I think she should start by changing the blinker fluid and then move up to those other tasks.
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“Haha!”smartass! You go ahead and change your “blinker fluid”, I will be sure to report that to the funny farm when referring you. 🙂
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After changing the blinker fluid, she can adjust the tension on the battery belt.
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You have to be careful not to damage the ignition hoses when doing that.
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Reminds me of the time I dented the cramshaft while fluxing the juvenator.
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Thinking that you and Tippy working on a car is like Laurel and Hardy working on one!
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OH help! I do know some things about cars, doolally!
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Do you ever feed the squirrels that run in the little, circular combustion chamber cages?
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No, but I suspect that you do?
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I try, but the price of acorns has really gone up lately.
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Shaking my head! You Nut!
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😄
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You found the hood latch. That puts you in the top 95th percentile I think.
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Heh-heh, that may well be true. But I must admit that sometimes I really have to search to locate the damn latch.
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Now, that is getting in touch with your primal side! Excellent post, Tippy! I will never think about mechanics the same way again! 😃 😊
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Thanks. Yes, a mechanic is much more than someone who just drains your bank account.
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And, now I know why! 😆 🤣 😂
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I’m going to have to re-read Sapiens, I somehow missed this bit in our collective history. But it’s gripping enough to be worth a re-read…
Question to you: if you slay enough of these beasts, will they become extinct? 😇
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No, they’re like cockroaches. They multiply too fast to kill them all off.
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Excellent post! Forwarded to my husband, who’s observed that any properly completed auto repair requires at least some bloodletting.
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Thanks. Yes, I understand the bloodletting, although it’s always my own blood, with skinned knuckles and other abrasions.
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