Woof! I mean, hi! I’m Dolly Lollipalooza Gnu, the cutest wiener dog anyone ever knew. I’m the latest edition to the Gnu family. Yep, the Gnu monsters came over to my house, yanked me from my mother’s tit, shelled out some funny looking green paper stuff, then dragged me over to their house. So now I guess I’m a Gnu.
They don’t know it yet, but the Gnu household is about to undergo a big, gigantic, transformation. I may look cute, but I’m hell on wheels. Before you know it, I’ll be chewing up their furniture and anything else I can sink my sharp little teeth into. And I’ll be chasing their cat, and shitting and pissing all over their nice floors.
Yep, I’ll be a’rippin’ and a’tearin’!
Once in awhile I’ll dash between their legs and make a great escape out the front door. Then the race will be on. They’ll be chasing me up and down the street while hollering, “Dolly Lollipalooza Gnu! Come here!! Get over here, you damned dog!!!” And their neighbors will be laughing their heads off.
I’ll probably bite their house guests. And I’ll whine all night, because I still miss my mother, that wonderful milk-sack-of-a-bitch. She had such lovely, succulent nipples. Or, suckable nipples. But I don’t get that stuff anymore. Now it’s all solid food for me. Oh, for the good ol’ days, when I was just a baby!
My picture gets taken a lot, but I rarely hold still for one. So only about one out of every 57 photos is worthy of saving. But aren’t these just the darndest, cutest pictures of me?!
I have one question. Do you think I’m cute enough to sleep with?