Some years ago, my wife and I got into a little tiff. We were both left feeling a little sore at each other, and they say couples should never go to bed with an unresolved argument. Well, we did.
The next morning I got up and prepared for work. My wife was still sleeping, because she had stayed up later than me. I got in my car when I noticed something odd on the hood. Someone had written “Fuck You” in mustard.
I knew who that someone was. That’s why she stayed up later than me. My wife can be kind of vindictive at times. Now I was fuming. I couldn’t just drive to work with “Fuck You” written on my car. What would my co-workers think? I’d never live it down. So I angrily got out and grabbed the garden hose, and rinsed the mustard off.
Now I was wet, cold, and a little dirty, so I went back into the house to wash up. I was also in a bit of a hurry because I was trying to keep from being late to work. I finished washing up just as my wife got out of bed. I was heading for the front door when she sleepily trudged into the livingroom, heading for her morning coffee in the kitchen. As I opened the front door, she said “Good morning” to me. Did I detect a hint of sarcasm?
And so I paused at the front door and struck my best Rhett Butler pose, and said, “Fuck you, too,” to little Miss Scarlett. And that’s how I left her that morning, while I commuted away.
That evening my wife immediately confronted me after I got home from work. She vehemently denied having written the mustard epigram on my car’s hood. Apparently, I had been the victim of some neighborhood vandal.
So I guess there’s some truth to the advice of resolving your differences before you go to bed. It could have prevented this imbroglio. And to this day, I still don’t know who wrote “Fuck You” on my car. But whoever you are, “Fuck you, too.”
Categories: Humor
Chasing Unicorns 
It must have been someone from the recent neighborhood barbecue where you told everyone that hot dogs taste better with ketchup…
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That could be. I should have known better than to weigh in on that age-old controversy and take the side of red.
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at least whoever did it didn’t use spray paint…
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That’s true. I’ll take a hoodfull of mustard any day over that.
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don’t you feel better now?
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No.
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O MY! What horrible timing for vandal mischief!
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Or maybe good timing, from the perspective of the vandals. If they only knew the trouble they caused, they might have gotten a good laugh.
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Reblogged this on OPENED HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.
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Wars have already started in this way. 😉 xx Michael
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Very true. I think a lot of times wars begin when disagreements become personal.
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😉 xx
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Too bad you couldn’t ketchup to the yellow cowards that perpetrated this.
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If I could, their buns would be toast.
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So, you’d chase them down like dogs?
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Yes. It would be a moment to relish.
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Sounds like these mustard vandals will get a chili reception from you.
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They will. And in a conflict like this, it’s hard to say who will be the weiner.
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I am frankly out of puns at this point.
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Tippy’s unicorn messed with my reply again! Its at the bottom.
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Don’t blame it on the unicorn. He gets grilled enough.
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I think I might have onion more.
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😶🤚! I could say more…but!
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Go ahead, jump in. Pun away!
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I will leave that to the “experts” while I go lay down again. Catch up on the hours I missed last night.
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I hope all went well at work, during those vampire hours you keep.
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It didn’t start out well but it actually ended up being a very good night. She slept through the night which is very rare!
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Good. I’m assuming you brought your rubber hammer to work.
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LOL! No. 🙂
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Well now that made me smile! I mean, Aww, too bad!
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It wasn’t one of my shinier moments.
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LOL! Well that comment served a double purpose! It was meant as a reply to Jason’s comment but it fits in reply to your post as well. I am so talented! 🙂
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And I am so confused.
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I was saying that Jason’s comment about being out of puns, made me smile! But your post did too! And I assume after that incident you never made a wrong assumption about your wife again, right? It was probably your unicorn that did it!
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Right. We’ve never had a disagreement since. Uh-huh.
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You just always say, “yes, honey!” Right?
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That’s what I say. Aloud.
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She has you trained well!
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As long as she keeps feeding me, I behave.
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Especially if its that special dessert that I may have mentioned before, but I am being good now and not talking about it. 😉
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Is there a fly buzzing around me? Shoo!
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😜
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Who uses mustard for vandalism graffiti?
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Probably just some kids hot dogging through the neighborhood.
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Ha!😎
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Mustard is better than flaming dog shit.
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Much better. Now I’m counting my blessings.
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