A national movement is underway over the treatment of druggies in our society. Druggies claim they’ve been unfairly maligned for decades. They’re sick and tired of the stereotypes that have been applied to them, and are seeking understanding for the human beings that live behind their vacant eyes and edentulous grins.
“Every time something crazy goes down, people say, ‘oh, I bet it’s druggies’,” lamented Greta Bogart, president of Druggies Are Neighbors and Kin (DANK). “Hey, not every time,” she added, “I mean, like, not EVERY time. Sometimes it’s just some crazy dude . . . hearing voices, ya know, and like who’s gone off his meds and not even on drugs.”
And Greta cited examples of blatant discrimination against drug users. “Just try getting a job as a cop, when you’re a druggy. The military kicks you out if your piss has got some stank in it. Can’t get no work at the fire depot, postal office, airplane pilot places; no choo-choo train gonna hire you as an engineer, and you sure as hell ain’t gettin’ no job at a pharmacy. It’s really nuts. And it ain’t fair!”
Greta explained that the mission of DANK is to educate the public that druggies are your neighbors and kin. “Look around,” she advised, “One of two people you know is a druggy. We’re everywhere. Don’t be puttin’ us down and keepin’ us outta good jobs. Hell, we get those good jobs anyway, when we stay in the closet, pour salt in our piss tests, and shoot up right before job interviews. We come across cool and smooth as the crystal in meth, and we outperform all our sober co-workers when we get our fix. When we can make it into work, we outwork any worker.”
Yes, a war on druggy discrimination is being plotted and planned by druggies, even at this very moment. And when they’re able to get up off the floor and start crusading, we can expect an onslaught of PSAs with the major networks. And look forward to hearing this new slogan being repeated over and over, ad nauseam:
“Just say yes to druggies.”