Man Years Woman Years

People live longer than dogs, so there’s a scale we use to equate a dog’s age with a human’s age. This scale varies with breed, size, and opinion, but as a general rule, you take the dog’s age and multiply by seven.

I use this concept to equate a woman’s age with a man’s and vice-versa. Women live about five years longer than men, on average. So I subtract five years from a woman’s age to find her age in man years. Or, I add five years to a man’s age to find his age in woman years.

I’m 62. But in woman years I’m 67. This is perfect, because my wife is 67. That makes us the same age, in equivalent years. I’ve always thought it was best for men to marry women older than them, so that they’ll both die at about the same time. It’s ridiculous that so many women spend so many long, lonely years in widowhood. Although I have known some women who’ve celebrated their years of widowhood, glad to be rid of the old bastard.

This scale is a win-win for everyone. Women like the idea of being younger, so they can use it to subtract five years from their age. Men, on the other hand, enjoy the accomplishment of having an older age. So they can use the scale and brag about being five years older than their birth age.

If you’re a woman, and someone asks your age, give them an age that is five years younger. You won’t be lying if you think to yourself, “In man years.” You must think this to yourself, so remember that or you will go to hell. Men, you can follow this example the other way.

Categories: Humor

62 replies »

  1. Interesting perspective. I was always under the impression that women matured faster than men by about 5 years, so (e.g.) a 25 years old man should find a 20 years old woman a potential match due to equal maturity levels!

    I also understand that over the years that women have been getting more “equal” and following traditional career paths, their projected life span has been decreasing. I wonder if equality in the wage-earning sector of male domination is a good thing for them but then, as more men are being replaced by women ……. they will perhaps start extending their projected life span.

    I think I should email my son and tell him to take-over the home and kids chores, and let his wife support him. He’ll live longer! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. One of my grandmothers was a widow for thirty years or so. That may have been almost as long as she was married. But she lived to be 102 (by a few days).

    I thought that men lived shorter lives because they were more prone to engage in stupider, I mean riskier behavior.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Is this the New Math, TG? Regardless, I think you are right on the money. I read somewhere that men without wives live shorter lives while women without husbands live longer. You might want to come up with an equation for that as well. 😉


    Liked by 3 people

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