People live longer than dogs, so there’s a scale we use to equate a dog’s age with a human’s age. This scale varies with breed, size, and opinion, but as a general rule, you take the dog’s age and multiply by seven.
I use this concept to equate a woman’s age with a man’s and vice-versa. Women live about five years longer than men, on average. So I subtract five years from a woman’s age to find her age in man years. Or, I add five years to a man’s age to find his age in woman years.
I’m 62. But in woman years I’m 67. This is perfect, because my wife is 67. That makes us the same age, in equivalent years. I’ve always thought it was best for men to marry women older than them, so that they’ll both die at about the same time. It’s ridiculous that so many women spend so many long, lonely years in widowhood. Although I have known some women who’ve celebrated their years of widowhood, glad to be rid of the old bastard.
This scale is a win-win for everyone. Women like the idea of being younger, so they can use it to subtract five years from their age. Men, on the other hand, enjoy the accomplishment of having an older age. So they can use the scale and brag about being five years older than their birth age.
If you’re a woman, and someone asks your age, give them an age that is five years younger. You won’t be lying if you think to yourself, “In man years.” You must think this to yourself, so remember that or you will go to hell. Men, you can follow this example the other way.