This is the introduction to a serial of my book, Chasing Unicorns. I’ve sliced and diced my book into 27 installations, in a series of posts, with the first installation scheduled to be posted tomorrow. Each subsequent installation will be mercilessly posted everyday thereafter, until the end. Which won’t come too soon. Speaking of which, for the next post in this series, CLICK THIS LINK. Thanks for reading!
Introduction
I recently overhauled, Pumping Up Piglipple, which was a book about happiness that I never quite felt happy about. So I finally took it out of circulation and beat the brains out of it.
I completely amputated the last two chapters, and replaced them with three brand-spanking new chapters. I hacked and slashed my way through a major rewrite of the first chapter, and performed some minor prinking of chapters 2, 3, and 4.
I also changed the title to, Chasing Unicorns.
And finally, the book cover was redesigned. As you can see, the original cover was very shitty looking, so I think any change was an improvement. I created the original cover by depositing “props” in the toilet, then arranging the props with my bare hands. Now before you recoil in disgust and horror, the props were Snicker’s bars connected together, and a few drops of yellow food coloring were dispensed into the water.
But then my wife walked into the bathroom while I was out looking for my camera, and she flushed the toilet. So I ended up having to use the real thing.
That was a disgusting and horrifying experience, so for this new book cover I hired a professional artist. I think he did a great job, but for the price this bastard charged, next time I’m just going to buy an enema kit. Actually, he was a nice guy, and worked patiently with me and all my neurotic personalities. So it was worth it.
Chasing Unicorns is a meditation guide that can help you improve upon happiness. I think most people are generally happy, and they say that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But that’s no fun. What if you can be even happier than you are now? I’m always tinkering with ways to be happier. And usually it works, although I won’t talk about the occasional disasters.
But nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you dare want to find ways to be happier, as well as learn a practical approach to meditation that won’t screw up your busy schedule, or encourage you to donate your life savings to a guru and leave on a long pilgrimage to Lumbini, then this book is for you.
And the best part about it is my guarantee. If you are not satisfied with this book, I will return all the money you paid for it, instantly. Yes, INSTANTLY, presto-bingo, just like magic! Not only that, but my book is free. How can you beat such a double bonus as a free book with an instant money-back guarantee?
You can buy my book by remitting $0.00, then tapping on the artistic, professionally-designed book cover that I paid for through the nose. It’s in PDF format, and your browser will likely give you the opportunity to read it on the spot, or to download it for future reference and repetitive reading pleasure.
I know you are going to enjoy Chasing Unicorns. But what do I know? Nonetheless, I hope you like it.
Oh, you’re stubborn, eh? A hard sell, huh? Wary about tapping on that book cover, are you? Okay, well then, you leave me with no choice. Just for that, for the next four weeks I’m going to bore you to death with excerpts from my book. In fact, I’m going to post my entire book, with one installment per day, on my blog.
Beginning tomorrow, the hell begins. Tomorrow I’m launching a series that will take you through my entire book, from start to finish. I didn’t want to have to do this but you’ve left me with no choice. Come hell or high water, I’m determined to find some goddamned way to get someone to read this rubbish, and it looks like you’ve drawn the short straw.
See you tomorrow, for story time!
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Categories: books, Series (Books): Chasing Unicorns
Chasing Unicorns 
I hope that in the end, it doesn’t turn out to be the butler did it.
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Well, I find it strange that everyone thinks the butler did it, while nobody suspects the maid.
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The pool boy. That guy is no good. I should have been a pool boy.
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You are right, it was all the pool boy’s fault in the book I read. But no, don’t put yourself down, you are a coffee shop owner of the Best coffee shop around, remember! 🙂
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Yes, pool boys are pure evil. They’re always going off the deep end, and they’ve been known to skim off the company’s profits.
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I think most pool boys are rather shallow, and usually just dive right in to any scheme that is presented to them by some fancy dressed hoodlum splashing money around.
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Rolling my eyes!
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Could be. My biggest concern, as they pour chlorine into the pool, is that if they have the right chemistry, they might run off with my wife.
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2 birds, 1 stone.
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Ooh, you’re bad.
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If she wants some other guy anyway, I’d rather she just run off with him. Makes things easier.
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You could even trade her for some free pool service.
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Maybe get a pool noodle or two out of the deal.
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😶🤚!
A pool noodle in exchange!? Oh gosh!
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Maybe, but he might be needing his pool noodle until the honeymoon wears off.
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No deal. I want the noodle while it is still al dente.
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I don’t blame you. Soggy noodles are not very impressive.
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Ooh I think I need to go back to bed! 😛
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Oooh what “great” ideas you have! 🙄
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They are, aren’t they? This is what happens when geniuses brainstorm.
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Did you say “geniuses?” ….I feel a coughing attack coming on!
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Something must have gone down the wrong pipe. You should have done what we do, and put it in your pipe and smoked it.
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This week is starting off with a bang! 😶🤚
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Its no wonder you are on Santa’s naughty list!! LOL!
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I suppose you are always on the “nice list”.
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LOL! Yeah, you guys are fooled easily!
I mean, yes, of course! 😂
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Sometimes we will just go along with what women say, no matter how outlandish it is, just to get along without too much hassle.
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That goes both ways. 🙂
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Does it?
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You question it? What happened to just going along with what I say, like you said men do?
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Did you have a nice, relaxing time on your 4 days off?
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Not really
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Uh oh, that’s not good!
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Well even if it wasn’t too relaxing, I hope it wasn’t too bad! That you still have at least a shred sanity left. 🙂
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Well I am out hiking 🥾 among the rocks at Inks Lake right now.
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Good! Enjoy! I think I recently saw a picture of Inks Lake. 🙂 Oh snd don’t fall on the rocks.
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I am enjoying a fantastic sunset at the lake right now
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😊
Sunsets are magical. Soak it in.
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I did. You may see it in a few days
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I hope so! Look forward to it. I am laughing, for you are talking about a beautiful sunset and I am writing about a rainy day. Total opposite.
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It has been rainy here yesterday and today, but it cleared up for sunset.
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Tbe maid probably plotted it and paid the butler to do it. A woman is usually the brains behind the operation.
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And with the woman the brains of the operation, it’s no wonder the butler always gets caught.
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Wait a minute…thats not the maid’s fault, the butler probably just got clumsy!
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Yes, it was very clumsy of the butler to trust the maid.
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This isn’t turning out right! 😛
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It was probably the cow. You think they are innocent and then ….!
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what a clever way to make your revised book cover look so good by setting such low expectations with the original. I plan to go out today and get a yoga mat and some incense so that I am in the proper mood each day to read your 27 nuggets of wisdom…
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Thanks. Yeah, it was pretty easy to improve on the cover. Rather than a yoga mat and incense, might I suggest a barf bag?
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maybe a barf bag should have been on the cover…
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Or a feedbag, for the unicorn.
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that works…
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I personally feel you leave me with little choice since I like to know what threats are in the offing. I cannot promise I shan’t use words like Ptah, and Fwah, which are not actually Klingon dialect, If I’m directed to go chasing what are fictitious creatures, well at least they are since what appear to be Tudor times judging by your wallpaper. They were probably eaten into extinction in those days.
Hugs
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Unicorns are fictitious creatures? I say Ptah to that! And I’ll add a Fwah. All of my unicorns are naturally-talented, unTudored, one-horned beasts, and far from extinction. But I will admit that they probably taste good.
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Wow! 27 days in a row. So I won’t need to wait with bated breath for very long at the end of a chapter, sounds good. 🙂
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No, but if your breath does become baited, I recommend Listerine mouthwash.
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You are sooo helpful!
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I forgot to add that I see how you “honored” Snickers with your post. Poor Snickers!
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Snickers is lucky. Not every cat is honored by a post. But I hope that cover photo of all those Snickers bars didn’t make you hungry.
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“Haha!” I don’t think Snickers considered it an honor.
And Snickers candy bars may have lost their appeal now, thanks to you!
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Sorry. There’s always Milky Ways and Mounds.
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The Midnight Milky Way is the best! Don’t ruin it!
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Okay. I wouldn’t want to put your nearby town of Hershey out of business.
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Yes, that would be bad! You can’t take Chocolate World away from me! You get a free chocolate bar every time you go. 🙂
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Really? Is that a tour of the chocolate factory? Do you need a golden ticket to get in?
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No golden ticket needed. 🙂
You go on a little ride through whats made to look like the factory. You go in a “hot oven” and hear singing cows and smell chocolate throughout the ride and get your candybar at the end.
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Is one of the singing cows named Betsy?
This sounds like a little kiddie ride. I would want to see how chocolate is really made, and I wonder what Hershey is trying to hide, with their singing cows.
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You used to be able to tour the real factory but that was long ago! It is mainly for kids BUT you get free chocolate. 🙂
One doesn’t know, maybe Betsy is one of the cows!
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The free chocolate is an attraction. I guess I’d be willing to put up with all the snotty little brats if I knew there was free chocolate at the end.
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Oh gosh! Scrooge!
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That’s me. Except for the part where he inexplicably changes and starts throwing all his money away.
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You are hopeless!
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😈
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How often do you play with things in the toilet? Asking for a friend…
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Tell your friend it isn’t sanitary to play with things in the toilet, and so they should always wash their hands afterward.
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I’ll pass that along. 😉
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Wow, I miss out a lot, didn’t I? This looks like a fun read. I’m in love with the new cover. 🥰
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Thanks, I hope you enjoy it.
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