books

Chasing Unicorns: Introduction

This is the introduction to a serial of my book, Chasing Unicorns. I’ve sliced and diced my book into 27 installations, in a series of posts, with the first installation scheduled to be posted tomorrow. Each subsequent installation will be mercilessly posted everyday thereafter, until the end. Which won’t come too soon. Speaking of which, for the next post in this series, CLICK THIS LINK. Thanks for reading!

Introduction

I recently overhauled, Pumping Up Piglipple, which was a book about happiness that I never quite felt happy about. So I finally took it out of circulation and beat the brains out of it.

I completely amputated the last two chapters, and replaced them with three brand-spanking new chapters. I hacked and slashed my way through a major rewrite of the first chapter, and performed some minor prinking of chapters 2, 3, and 4.

I also changed the title to, Chasing Unicorns.

And finally, the book cover was redesigned. As you can see, the original cover was very shitty looking, so I think any change was an improvement. I created the original cover by depositing “props” in the toilet, then arranging the props with my bare hands. Now before you recoil in disgust and horror, the props were Snicker’s bars connected together, and a few drops of yellow food coloring were dispensed into the water.

But then my wife walked into the bathroom while I was out looking for my camera, and she flushed the toilet. So I ended up having to use the real thing.

That was a disgusting and horrifying experience, so for this new book cover I hired a professional artist. I think he did a great job, but for the price this bastard charged, next time I’m just going to buy an enema kit. Actually, he was a nice guy, and worked patiently with me and all my neurotic personalities. So it was worth it.

Chasing Unicorns is a meditation guide that can help you improve upon happiness. I think most people are generally happy, and they say that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. But that’s no fun. What if you can be even happier than you are now? I’m always tinkering with ways to be happier. And usually it works, although I won’t talk about the occasional disasters.

But nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you dare want to find ways to be happier, as well as learn a practical approach to meditation that won’t screw up your busy schedule, or encourage you to donate your life savings to a guru and leave on a long pilgrimage to Lumbini, then this book is for you.

Tap cover, to read.

And the best part about it is my guarantee. If you are not satisfied with this book, I will return all the money you paid for it, instantly. Yes, INSTANTLY, presto-bingo, just like magic! Not only that, but my book is free. How can you beat such a double bonus as a free book with an instant money-back guarantee?

You can buy my book by remitting $0.00, then tapping on the artistic, professionally-designed book cover that I paid for through the nose. It’s in PDF format, and your browser will likely give you the opportunity to read it on the spot, or to download it for future reference and repetitive reading pleasure.

I know you are going to enjoy Chasing Unicorns. But what do I know? Nonetheless, I hope you like it.

Oh, you’re stubborn, eh? A hard sell, huh? Wary about tapping on that book cover, are you? Okay, well then, you leave me with no choice. Just for that, for the next four weeks I’m going to bore you to death with excerpts from my book. In fact, I’m going to post my entire book, with one installment per day, on my blog.

Beginning tomorrow, the hell begins. Tomorrow I’m launching a series that will take you through my entire book, from start to finish. I didn’t want to have to do this but you’ve left me with no choice. Come hell or high water, I’m determined to find some goddamned way to get someone to read this rubbish, and it looks like you’ve drawn the short straw.

See you tomorrow, for story time!

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95 replies »

  1. what a clever way to make your revised book cover look so good by setting such low expectations with the original. I plan to go out today and get a yoga mat and some incense so that I am in the proper mood each day to read your 27 nuggets of wisdom…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I personally feel you leave me with little choice since I like to know what threats are in the offing. I cannot promise I shan’t use words like Ptah, and Fwah, which are not actually Klingon dialect, If I’m directed to go chasing what are fictitious creatures, well at least they are since what appear to be Tudor times judging by your wallpaper. They were probably eaten into extinction in those days.
    Hugs

    Liked by 1 person

    • Unicorns are fictitious creatures? I say Ptah to that! And I’ll add a Fwah. All of my unicorns are naturally-talented, unTudored, one-horned beasts, and far from extinction. But I will admit that they probably taste good.

      Liked by 2 people

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