Humor

You Well Write

I’ve given up on my grammar checker. It puts annoying, squiggly lines beneath my sentences, which distract me from being able to read and understand what I’ve written. So I went online, looking for better grammar checking software.

After much searching I finally found something affordable. It’s a program called, “You Well Write.” I believe the low, $15.00 price was due to the fact that it was produced in China, by slave labor. Thanks, Uyghurs!

After the quick download, I was eager to learn how to operate this exciting new auditor of my written word. And just reading the Help file opened my eyes to highly sophisticated usages of the English language. Here’s an excerpt:

Official Committee for the Writing of Manuals for Americans.

“Welcome too You Well Write! You soon no sorry this product you purchase. It many times used in China country years on. Corporations all that products America for made always this product use when manuals they write. It’s style familiar to you must be. How times many you purchase from our country product with manual? Reading hard it is, no? But now not. Now familiarize we you with language structure better so now you not just able understand manual but write you such manual you to.

“Guarantee we, or back money give we if no complain. You find better then no product ever. Help file read you, than program start you too use. Their no time now like it is for learn. So its now time start for you.”

I’m very excited about this new program. How nice it will be to learn the language structure used in every manual that comes with products made in China. And not only that, but I’ll be able to write like these Chinese pros, also.

Their is nothing better then that, and already its as if I be learning much of new thing’s.

Thank’s, China!

Categories: Humor

41 replies »

  1. Expertiseness area! International correctness language is of beneficial English goodness to preciseness communicating. Noteworthy, safety issues much blood or fire of substantialness time notwithstanding the manual reading exactly is pursuant.

    My mom was a professional interpreter and business translator, English/Japanese. Ever want to have some fun, put a complex English sentence into Google Translate and convert it to Japanese. Then send it back to English. Then do it again.

    Can’t speak for Chinese (leave that for my husband). The Japanese language has some parts-of-speech that simply don’t exist in English, like markers that tell you how you should interpret that last expression in the sentence. And then there are cases where multiple different words in Japanese simply translate into one expression in English… “ai”, “koi”, “dai-suki”, “oishii”… just “love” in English. But you better not get them confused in Japanese. Conversely, I’ve spent entire 8-hour flights from Japan translating one or two songs’ lyrics to English. I just recently saw part of a really good Japanese pop song’s lyrics translated from, “Koi toka ai,” to “Like love or love”… huh? In the context, I think they meant, “Infatuation or passion.” Learn Engrish in a Japanese public school, and you can understand why there’s still a big market for foreigners to teach the language.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sounds to me like you have a You Well Write app, also.

      I imagine that if I tried that Google translate experiment, much would be lost in the translation. And more and more, each time.

      I think there’s no substitute for being raised in the language you speak. There are many little nuances that probably escape even the best-educated linguists, that can lead to little, and sometimes large, misunderstandings.

      Liked by 1 person

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