Humor

Remotely Possible

Pictured above is me committing a common error. When I try to input channel 55, my finger sometimes lingers too long on the “5” button, resulting in channel 555. But there is no channel 555. I know that, but my TV doesn’t. So now I have to wait about ten seconds for my TV to search for a non-existent channel, then give me the “No Signal” screen.

Isn’t it about time that television manufacturers redesign their *#@!ing TV remotes? Inputting the correct channel is a bitch, with those sticky, teeny-tiny buttons. I’m tired of messing up, then missing the first part of a show while trying to get the remote to cooperate.

I’m no electronic engineer. But really, would it be that hard to design a TV remote with an “Undo” or “Backspace” button? Let’s say you try to input channel 7. But you’re not quite nimble enough and accidentally input channel 777777777777777777777777777777777777. Rather than having to wait ten seconds for the TV to search for something that everyone and God knows ain’t there, wouldn’t it be nice to hit an “Undo” button and start all over?

And what about those buttons anyway? Why do they repeat numbers so easily? Couldn’t that be fixed too?

While the engineers are busy with my redesign ideas, here’s another request: Make the buttons a bit larger. I’m not asking for much real estate here. Just make the buttons approximate the size of the average man’s fingertip. Ladies have an advantage here, because their fingertips tend to be closer to the size of those buttons. But this can be a real problem for men when we’re trying to switch around to different ball games, with a drink in one hand and a thumb fumbling over the remote with the other.

If humans can land a spacecraft on a speeding comet, I’m sure they can make a better TV remote. And think of how much cumulative time would be saved, across the country, if everyone had better functioning TV remotes. Why, that time could be used for interacting with other family members, or working on our tax returns. Yes, consider how much more our country could collect in taxes if they’d only fix the dad-blamed TV remote.

Write to your congressional representative. Or have a heart-to-heart with any inventors you know. Together, it’s at least remotely possible we can start a national movement that will eliminate, once and for all, the dreaded “No Signal” screen.

Categories: Humor

62 replies »

  1. The world is driven by Commerce … and Commerce is driven by the most lucrative market sector … and we (you and I) are not in that sector. That is why we don’t understand the current popular music; we shake our heads at the way household appliances are being designed/developed; we don’t understand the latest electronics (I am having a love/hate relationship with a 2020 Toyota) etc. etc.

    I can remember my Grandmother waving to the people on the TV (“Of course they can see me. They’re waving to me!” I can remember my Dad trying to figure out a Sony Walkman. I can remember so many elderly people who were losing touch with the world, and fondly remembered simpler times. Will all that in mind, I must also remember that I (and you) are now in that same age range that they were!

    Good luck with your remote, because I doubt the manufacturers will listen to some cranky “old bugger”. 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    • I think the 18 to 35 age group is what the tech industry generally markets to. So we are SOL.

      That’s funny about your grandma.

      I wonder if the manufacturers would listen to me if I threw my remote through the TV screen. No, probably not.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. My TV has a trendy newfangled motion-sensitive remote that makes a floating pointer appear on the screen… that causes all kinds of incomprehensible menus to pop up every time I touch the thing. I must be old and out of touch. I still want buttons.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m not sure about whose hands they used to measure the remotes… but I do remember my aunt gifted my grandma with larger than normal remote controls so they can see the numbers better. A button’s size is approximately half the size of a regular iphone.

    Perhaps man can design better tv remotes.

    Liked by 1 person

    • They do have larger remotes, but you have to buy them separate, and then figure out how to program them for your TV. And they don’t have all the functions of the remote that came with the TV. But I like the idea of bigger buttons.

      Liked by 1 person

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