PASSUP

Sometimes, Covid restrictions are criticized as being ridiculous, idiotic, tyrannical, and completely unnecessary. But let’s face it, we can’t stop dictators from being dictators. And the 50 dictators who govern the United States seem to wield unchecked and far-reaching power at making rules for how we go about our personal lives.

When one is faced with such overwhelming force, the most effective weapon of resistance is what I call, Passive-Aggressive Suckup. Or PASSUP, for short. PASSUP resistors openly praise the strictures imposed upon them (the Suckup part of their strategy). But then they go off and sneakily do their own thing anyway (the Passive-Aggressive part of their strategy).

For instance, suppose you praised the Thanksgiving celebration restrictions recently imposed, such as, no gatherings greater than 6, 8, 10, 12, or whatever a governor determined based upon whatever scientist that governor consulted with. And no loud talking or singing. And keep your masks on and windows open. But then you held a large Thanksgiving feast anyway, with loud, boisterous relatives, room-to-room wassailing, and maskless diners, within a closed-up, snugly heated home.

If you did this, you were behaving just like a PASSUP.

Don’t feel ashamed. Many of us have become PASSUPs these days. I’ve noticed that many of those who advocate masks, and all forms of social distancing, have a tendency to violate those rules, right and left.

Maybe that’s because there are so many different rules, it all gets confusing. The problem is, we have so many different scientists saying so many different things about Covid, and so many different governors consulting with so many different scientists, that we’ve been left with a transcontinental hodgepodge of rules and restrictions, that morph into odd varieties with each state border crossing.

Here in California, Governor Newsom recently issued something that I call the One-Night Stand Ban. This bizarre diktat forbids people from different households from congregating together between the hours of 10:00 pm and 5:00 am. I guess some scientist must have told the governor that Covid has been spreading via all-night orgies and dates with strangers.

Some states have closed restaurants. Others only require them to close at around 10:00 pm. I guess the scientists in those states have determined that Covid spreads more readily in restaurants, after 10:00 pm. What is it about 10:00 pm, anyway? Does Covid get bigger and badder as we approach the witching hour?

Some state scientists don’t allow gyms to be open. Others allow them to open their doors at limited capacity, such as 10%, or 25%, or whatever the scientific opinion happens to be in that locale.

In some states, scientists are apparently telling governors that it’s okay to keep schools open. But in other states, the scientists tell the governors to shut the schools down. But the scientists who run the federal government have never told schools to shut down.

Masks aren’t required in states like Arizona and Florida. But the scientists in other states have agreed that masks are so effective they should be mandatory. Presumptive President-Elect Biden also agrees with these scientists, and says he will make them mandatory nationwide. But current President Trump has been listening to different scientists, who are telling him not to make masks mandatory.

Scientists in some states, such as Hawaii and New York, won’t allow people in from other states, unless they quarantine or test negative. Scientists in other states, such as California, have never imposed such a quarantine requirement. However, California scientists do “advise” that you quarantine. We took that wise advise under advisement, when we recently returned from a trip to Nevada. But we didn’t follow it. That’s the PASSUP way.

I feel proud to be a PASSUP. There’s no shame in sucking up, and then doing your own thing. After all, many of our top government officials are PASSUPs, too. For instance, Governor Newsom, along with two senior officials from the California Medical Association, were recently caught attending a birthday dinner with 12 other people. But indoor dining, in the few places in California where our scientists still allow it, is limited to only 6 people.

Governor Newsom apologized, while innocently claiming that the dining was done outdoors. But then photos emerged showing the dining was, indeed, indoors. Newsom, you’re such a PASSUP. Don’t try to fool us, bro. You’re one of us! You should feel proud.

For your droll amusement, here’s a clip of his lying, rambling, hem-hawing apology:

Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, got her hair done at a beauty salon that should have been closed, but which she asked to open up just for her. And she wore no mask. Yep, she’s another PASSUP.

Philadelphia Mayor Jim Kenney was recently photographed dining indoors in a restaurant in Maryland. But that’s okay. While the mayor and his scientists in Philadelphia have banned indoor dining, the scientists in Maryland have determined that indoor dining won’t spread Covid.

Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot got a haircut during a statewide stay-at-home order. And after Biden apparently beat Trump, she mingled with a large crowd gathered in the Chicago streets, and encouraged celebrations. You’re such a PASSUP, Lori.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo traveled to Georgia, where he gave a maskless elbow bump and two hugs to Savannah Mayor Van Johnson. Then he returned home and did not quarantine, even though his scientists have mandated that those who’ve been in Georgia must quarantine. So even the Emmy-Award winning governor is a PASSUP.

PASSUPs seem to run in Cuomo’s family. When Andrew’s brother, Chris Cuomo was quarantined after being diagnosed with Covid-19, Chris decided to travel from his home to inspect another home of his, which was under construction. But it’s all in keeping with his PASSUP family tradition.

Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer forbade all boating during the pandemic, because her scientists told her that you can spread Covid even while alone on a boat. But her PASSUP husband didn’t care, and tried to go boating anyway. I admire that in a henpecked husband.

Most recently, Denver Mayor Michael Hancock told Denverites to stay at home, cook a small turkey, and only celebrate Thanksgiving with those they live with. Then he promptly got on a plane to visit his daughter for the holidays. Way to go, mayor! That’s classic PASSUPerism.

If these very important people can be PASSUPs, we can be PASSUPs. They are wise enough to know their rules are ridiculous. And they apparently have just as little faith in their particular camarilla of scientists, as many of us apparently have.

So get out there and live life. Join the ever-expanding PASSUP resistance. Become one the secret rule violators/open rule praisers. If you’re not famous, or running a large medical organization, you have little to fear. You’re not likely to be photographed and held up to public scrutiny. You can be a PASSUP, and very likely get away with it.

The many ridiculous, idiotic, and tyrannical rules we’re told to follow, are all based upon science. Granted, it’s different science in different states but hey, it’s still science. So I’m all for these rules. I love science-based rules. I think they’re just dandy in our modern world, and I publicly vow to follow each and every one of them, to the letter.

Because I am a world-class PASSUP.

53 comments

Go ahead, blurt it out:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.