Countdown to Old Age
One of my blogging buddies turned me into a duck, in one of her posts. That was a few months ago. But I have a long memory, and don’t forget these things easily. Recently, she transformed me back to my anthropic form. That’s good, but it’s not enough.
I told her she should have turned me into a Prince Charming. Or a handsome prince. Or whatever the hell happens in those fairy tales, when ducks and frogs and such, become human. This would have made up for turning me into a duck.
But instead of transforming me into Prince Charming, she wrote a story that depicted me as a bumbling, daydreaming factory worker who trips over a hole and gets knocked out. While in a coma, he dreams he is a prince who suffers all manner of bodily injury.
I’ll admit the story is entertaining, but I am not amused. And I have concluded that she has failed to redeem herself. I won’t reveal her name, but her initials are C.S. (which stand for Carolyn Shelton). You can find her blog, and the infamous story, at joyroses13.
It has come to my attention that C.S. will be turning 50 very soon. Yes, soon she will transform into an old lady, and there’s nothing she can do about it. I’m sure she’d like to forget this upcoming climacteric in her life, but how can I allow that to happen after all the things she’s done to me?
Therefore, I have posted a countdown calendar in my sidebar. Just glance over to the right and you will see it, plain as the bump on a concussed prince’s head, counting down the days until the big birthday. As you can surmise, it won’t be long before C.S. is no longer a young, smartass whippersnapper.
No, she will soon just be a plain old smartass.
I guess I should grab some popcorn.
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And maybe I should grab a shield. I have an old trash can lid in the backyard.
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I am thinking that won’t be big enough!
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I have two of them.
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Haha! I would like to remind you that tne Wicked witch didn’t just come after Dorothy, she came after her friends too! You may want to be careful who you side with! LOL! 🙂
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Geez, just because you’re turning 50, it doesn’t mean you have to be a wicked witch. You could become the kindly old grandmotherly type.
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I’m NOT the wicked witch Dummkopf! I was just giving an example of what may happen when one sides with SmartAss friends and that was the closest example I could come up with! 😛
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It sounded like a threat to me, uttered in a cackling voice. Schtupid.
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Continues crunching popcorn….
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I see how well you heeded my warning! Watch that the popcorn doesn’t get caught in your dentures!
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I’m sending you the full DVD collection of Matlock for your birthday.
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LOL! Yeah, right!
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You can send me McDonald’s coupons too, for using them with my discount will get me really cheap food! 😜
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LOL!
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So many words going through my head, but sadly I am about to run out the door so only have time to post a short and sweet thought! If you thought being a bumbling, accident-prone Prince was bad, welllllll……..! You ain’t seen nothing! 🙂
AND if I am going to have to see a countdown pic every time I come to your blog, it should at least be colorful! You know perhaps color over that strange number that begins with a 5!
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It might be safer to walk out the door, rather than run. And at your age, you should consider getting used to a cane.
Unlike coloring one’s gray hair, WP doesn’t have any way to color its countdown widget, so I can’t help you with that. Sorry, old lady.
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“No comment!” 😛
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Don’t worry, you’re only as old as your birth certificate says you are.
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You are soooo reassuring!
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Well, think about the discount you’ll soon get at McDonalds.
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..mmm…! Just what I always wanted!
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LOL!
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Woman when everyone forgets her birthday:
There is going to be hell to pay and this ever-green topic will be brought up again and for decades to come.
Man when everyone forgets his birthday:
Elated because he just got a get out of jail free card for the next time he forgets a birthday, or mother’s day, or valentines day, or any other stupid holiday.
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Well, I was hoping those images would show up.
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The screaming lady showed up, but not the man. But now it seems both links have disappeared. WP is pulling some weird stuff.
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Always. Don’t even get me started.
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I wasn’t referring to you, but you’re free to scream all you want.
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I wasn’t referring to you, either but, WP does pull weird shit. I’ll scream, later. It’s nearly 4:00am and I’m not interested in explaining myself to the police.
YAWN Later…
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Now they’re showing up. I think you gave WP too much work to do, so it took awhile to display the images.
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They did!
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They won’t on a phone. I see them fine in the Reader in a browser.
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Then Carolyn should be very happy with me, as I’m making sure nobody forgets her birthday.
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Yes, I am sure that she is happy with you.
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I am thinking you might have clonked your head too!
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Clonking my head wouldn’t affect my logic and reasoning too much.
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Yeah, once your cuckoo another clunk won’t change that, will it. 🙂
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Go back to crunching your popcorn Smart aleck!
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Well done!
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I can’t see the countdown from my phone. But her Birthday and mine must be close as I turn 50 this month too. It’s something to be proud of.
Happy Birthday CS!!
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It’s in the sidebar, where all the widgets are. I guess you have to have a desktop pc to see it.
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I figured it out.
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Thanks for being a sane voice amidst these smartasses! 🙂
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Anytime!
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Pffft!
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Anytime! Such jerks. LOL
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Haha! I know I can always count on you to back me up against the insanity!
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And insanity it is!
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Well what else do you expect from them??? It would be insanity for us to expect anything else!
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That’s the truth. Why do we put ourselves through this?!
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Good question! Probably because we are a tad insane as well! LOL!
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Bite your tongue! lol
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I fear you’re right.
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But remember its just a tad!!
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Phew!
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Yeah, yeah.
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Glad you agree.
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I just saw the calender. Hers is Dec. 5. Mine is Nov. 23. Very close.
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Wow, you two are almost twins. Should I put up a countdown calendar for you, too?
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She did say its something to be proud of!
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True. But she didn’t turn me into a duck, so I’ll have to have her permission.
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I sooooo should have kept you a duck!!
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Too late. I’ll bet that really gets your goose.
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You are feeling quite proud of yourself aren’t you!
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Yes, because I think you’ve fowled up big time.
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“Haha!” 😶🤚!
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And, the hits keep coming.
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Yep.
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Of course. JoRo and I are in this together!
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I will toast to that! 🥂! Can you throw me some? 😉
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Yes, please do. Throw her some.
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Smartass!
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Then again, I’m gonna run out of room in my sidebar. Besides, I don’t want to distract attention away from JoRo’s birthdate.
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Oooh yes to distract attention from mine would just be sooo baad! 😛
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And saad.
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Oh, what the hell. I put yours in my sidebar, also. After all, 50 years is a BIG deal.
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Yes, don’t forget the BIG presents please, for now you don’t have a reason to forget the date!
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Damn, what have I got myself into?
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You got yourself in DEEP!
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Sigh. Time to head for the thrift store to buy some gifts.
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“Funnny!”
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Would you like a used book, or a chipped knickknack?
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A used book please. Just make sure it has all the pages. Don’t tear out the last page!😝
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Figures you’d want a book.
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You asked ! 🙂
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Heck, who needs thrift stores. I might have an old, used book laying around here.
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LOL! As long aa it has an interesting story!
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I found one I think you’ll love. It’s called “1986 Ford Taurus Owner’s Manual.”
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You Doolally!
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LOL!
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“Methinks he done shit and fell back in it…”
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Good thing I have a bidet.
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Lucky you.
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Why yes you should. JoRo and I are in this together!
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We have an insane amount in common it’s almost weird.
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I’m willing to agree that it’s insane.
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Pfft
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Hey CP since he loves to COUNTDOWN I am counting down tne wine! Here.is 99 bottles for you! 😉
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Got em! Thank you! 97 back because I drank some.
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Haha! Here is 90 for I drank some too.
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Here’s 80
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75 right back at ya! Catch!
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65 all for you!
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Got them! Here are 63 with a heart full of glee! 😉
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Got em! Here’s 50!
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Thanks! Wow you guzzled down those 13 other bottles . LOL! Here are 40 back.
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Hiccup…hersaerse000000000030
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The wine is flowing!! Thanks! You may want to sit now, you seem a little unsteady! Can you catch 25? I am sure that Tippy wishes he could! 😉
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I sur he doz but he cant our whine. Hiccup..i can catch! Sitting…got em! Hrere 15
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😄😄 Got them! Don’t fall backwards off the chair, here is 10 more!
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Haha! Don’t worry I’m now just sitting on the floor. It’s safer that way. Thank you got them! Here’s 5 more.
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Are you sitting or lying on the floor? With as fast as we consumed those bottles I am lying on the floor. 🙂 Here are 3 back. 🙂
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Got them!
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Heyyy we were almost done counting down!! You can’t mess it up! 😝
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Mwahahaha!
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It was sooo close to being the perfect COUNTDOWN!
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But not close enough. I think you guys got too pie-eyed to finish the job.
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Well it was still a better countdown then a certain other countdown that should remain nameless. LOL!
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Maybe that countdown is the one that drove you to drinking.
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Haha! No, its a milestone to be celebrated. 🙂
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In just 16 days.
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Yeah….a little too close! Are you sure about your math? 🙂
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I couldn’t be too far off.
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Hahaha! Got em! It seems like someone is back dammit.
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Sadly a certain someone beat you to it! We were sooo close to the final countdown and he messed it up!
BUT it was funny to hear him crying and cursing earlier! LOL!
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Dammit. It was. I didn’t know he was going to be back so soon. We were having fun.
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Quick here are 2 bottles!
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Got them!
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Got em! I hope! Here’s 4
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Wait, I thought we were counting down? LOL! But got the 4. Thanks! Now here are 3. 🙂
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Got them!
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Noooo! You dummkopf!
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Yes, you doolally.
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Did I get them before dipshit face?
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You two are the ones who got shitfaced.
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🤪 Poor Snowball!!
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Leave poor Snowball out of this. He’s innocent, I tell ya.
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It was so much fun.
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Sounded like it.
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And now…:(
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Sorry, but I beat you to them.
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Yeah I bet you are real sorry!
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Dammit
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Tsk-tsk. Such a cold-hearted sense of humor you have.
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Yup! Thats me, sooo cold hearted! LOL!
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Yep. Dammit.
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lol
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Which landed in a snowdrift in Kootenay National Park.
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Nope
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Yup.
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Yup?
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That hit a mailman in Akron. Now you’ve committed a federal offense, assaulting a postal worker.
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They don’t know who hit fhem so I am fine!
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I shall notify a postal inspector, forthwith.
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I sc-Scared! Haha!
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Don’t worry, for a first offense you only get 20 years.
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🤪
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You just bopped someone over the head in Saskatoon.
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Well that’s just a bonus.
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How can anyone catch them, with your throw so off?
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LOL! Well look who is back! CP is an amazing catcher! We had a party on here when you were gone, hope you didn’t mind. 😆
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I noticed. You guys can’t throw worth a darn, when you’re soused.
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Haha! I tink we did grrrrreat! A very FUN countdown, don’t you agree! 😆
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Yeah, looks like you guys had all kinds of fun. When the cat’s away, the mice will play.
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Yup!!
But welcome back! 🙂 You were missed!
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Why thank you. I guess mice can like us cats.
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Yes they can, especially when they can get the best of certain cats. 🙂
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Rowr!
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Which made it as far as Slave Lake.
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You wish.
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Like a fish.
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Fish wish?
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That’s about the scale of it.
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Something is fishy here.
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Maybe someone’s on the hook.
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I’d cast an opinion but..
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You’re reeling me in, with that line.
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Hook, line and sinker.
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You’re so sozzled, those splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean.
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Wrong! 😛
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There’s word of a large, mysterious splash, 100 miles off the coast of New Jersey. I’m betting it’s your wine.
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Nope i got mine and Gibber has hers!
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I think you’re too drunk to even know.
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Know what???
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Yep, there you go.
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You drank 13 bottles? You must be so drunk, the 50 landed in Hudson Bay.
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No they did not! We have skill.
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Pshhh.
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We do!
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Those landed in the Monangahela River.
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LOL! Impressed on your spelling. 🙂
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Maybe I can compete with the Pennsylvania Dutch.
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Haha!
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And plop they landed in Lake Winnipeg.
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They did not.
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You’re right. They hit a Winnebago.
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Well that’s a bit funny.
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Thank you.
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I mean what the wine bottle hit.
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Oh, whoops.
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Haha!
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I think they landed in Lake Michigan.
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How can you possibly throw, as drunk as you must be by now?
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Practice.
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You’re going to start dropping some, if you keep this up.
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I am quite talented! 🙂
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Careful where you throw them, you lush.
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Hiccup. Wa?
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You could break a window.
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How?
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Oh, you’ll find out. When the cops come knocking on your door.
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I’m not obligated to answer.
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Tell that to the judge.
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Okay
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There’s no contact crap in place.
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Good. I’d hate to come into contact with crap.
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Well sorry but there’s a lot going on in both our countries.
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I know. Our leaders are flush with power, and we get the crap.
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Yep!
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What the F—?!
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Well, girls… I beat you there (last April). Didn’t really notice any difference… still had to remind my husband. (At least AARP remembered.)
And remind me not to P.O. anyone here!
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It’s strange how age is such a subtle thing. The day of a birthday feels no different from the day before.
Yes, be careful not to P.O. Carolyn, or she will turn you into a duck.
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Ha! No worry for her! I only do it to smartasses! 😛
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I guess you should have had a count down calendar for your husband, so that he would have remembered! A real big black and white one perhaps!
LOL! You are safe with me! I only turn the guys into ducks! They are well deserving!
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My Hubby makes sure he reminds me often as I’m older than he is and he doesn’t let me live it down.
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Yup, my hubby is the same! He is a whole 2 and a half years younger than me, which likes makes me ancient you know! MEN!
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Wow! More in common… about the same difference between me and my husband! Guess it takes a younger guy to keep up with us.
– =͟͟͞͞ =͟͟͞͞ ﾍ( ´Д`)ﾉ……..(((((￢￣▽￣)￢
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LOL! Exactly!
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Holy same here.
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I’m five years younger than my wife. So I get to have twice as much fun as poor Brad.
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Haha! Poor Kay!
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I think it’s a perfect arrangement. Women tend to live about five years longer than men, so we’ll both die about the same time.
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Wow. I am the complete opposite of all of you. My men have been the same age or older. My three hubbies were 7, 6 & 10 years older, respectively. Ken is 23 1/2 years older.
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That is definitely opposite. Maybe it takes an older, wiser man, to be able to handle a fire horse.
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Good point.
The ones my age were classmates as we teens paired off and dated.
I never actively looked for older men. I don’t have a “sugar daddy” thing going on (hardly…none of them ever had money or power). They just presented themselves in my life at certain points. My 1st hubby, I met when I was 14 & he was 21…dating his 1st wife. I had a neighbor buddy whose older sister knew him and they all went to a private Catholic school. I was in the local state school. I periodically ran into him because he worked part time in an arcade at our town’s mall but, he got married. It was a good five, six years later that we met back up & started dating.
In fact, all of my major relationships have very strange stories…all of them just appearing in my life and me NOT actively pursuing THEM. 🤔🤨🤓😊😎
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I think that’s the best, most natural way to find someone. I never had luck pursuing women, when that was my original intent. For me, it was just chance encounters or situations with women that I liked. I met my wife when I went to a beauty shop for a haircut. I liked her and asked her out, and one thing led to another.
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That’s cool. 💘
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Thank for my count down too. When do I send you my birthday present list.
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When you can get enough money together to pay for the presents.
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Pfft
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love these back and forth comments; I guess CS didn’t know who she was messing with!
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And maybe vice-versa. I’m feeling a little worried.
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yes, she is good at coming up with creative ways to keep certain of her readers on their toes…
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I only hope my toes will hold out.
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🙂
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LOL!
Ducks don’t have toes.
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I try!
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Be scared be very scared! Haha! 😄
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I ain’t s-s-scared.
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I’m a slow learner! 😜
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🙂
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Whew … it’s a good thing you only used initials and didn’t mention Carolyn Shelton’s real name, else that could have gotten you in trouble! The BIG 5-0, eh? I just tormented my daughter on her BIG 5-0 … even replaced the toilet paper with some special 50th birthday toilet paper! What fun I shall have with C.S.’ BIG 5-0!!! Thanks for letting us know! And don’t worry too much about being turned into a duck … she’s put me in prison!!!
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JILL! I see I greatly underestimated you! I trusted you to be on my side! …..mmmm….!!! Special 50th birthday toilet paper?? I am SO GLAD that my husband doesn’t read blogs! To think that I felt just a tad guilty for putting you in prison, welllll now…. Nope! HAHA!
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Oh no!!! 🤦♀️ I totally forgot I was supposed to be on your side!!! Heh heh … um … would you mind sending me your hubby’s email address so that I can make a small recommendation for him? Hah! You won’t leave me in prison, for before the end of the story, you will find that you have need of my … erm … shall we say, special talents? HA HA HA! He (or she) who laughs last, laughs best!
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That’s right, she has put you in prison. And also stranded you out in the desert. But that’s okay, I saved you from starvation.
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Ah … so it was you that saved me! I shall owe you a debt of eternal gratitude. Now, can you help get me out of this damn prison cell???
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Sure. Here’s a cake: 🎂 Be careful biting into it, or you might cut yourself on the hacksaw.
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No food allowed for the prisoners!
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Sorry, warden.
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Thanks Tippy! I’ve sawed my way out and am once again FREE!!! But … where to go now?
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Head for Big Bend National Park. There’s lots of food walking around, to be had there.
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Hmmm … sounds like a nice place, but I’ll stick with picking berries and eating leaves, if it’s all the same to you! 😉
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Suit yourself. But I tried to help.
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I do appreciate it … really, I do!
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Ha! Don’t give him too much gratitude! Did you see what he had you surviving on in the desert before I mercifully put you back in prison??
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Shh, don’t tell her that part.
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She already elevated you with how much she loved this post, I thought you just needed to be brought down a few notches! 😝
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Well, hell. Thank you for your public service.
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Its my pleasure!
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I’m sure it was. But given our relative difference in height, me being nearly 6′ tall, and you being nearly 5′ tall, who’s been brought down a few notches more often?
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You are lucky that I like you. LOL! But you are still a SmartAss!😜
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Um … no … I must’ve missed that … can you send me either the title of the post, or a link? Perhaps I spoke too soon. But now he has sent me a cake with a saw! Lovely man! 👱♂️
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I will gladly give you the link to the story. Read the comments and you will see …. ” lovely man?” hmmm….I will see if you are still saying that after you read. 🙂
https://joyroses13.wordpress.com/2020/11/07/journey-into-the-unknown/
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Pft. I’ll never hire you as my publicist.
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LOL! 😄
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Gah!!!
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LOL! You are welcome for me saving you from the desert! I think you just fell down a few notches Tippy!
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Mmmm.
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