Monthly Archives: May 2020

Conception: Introduction to The Birth of Tippy Gnu

This is the second installment of my autobiography, The Birth of Tippy Gnu.
To read the first installment, click this link.


Conception:
Introduction to The Birth of Tippy Gnu

There I was with all these other spirits, laughing, kicking it, just having a good time. Then the thrill vibe hit us. That’s the vibe that comes from the physical world, when we sense some other creatures are having a good time.

If you know what I mean.

It drew us like mosquitoes to a porch light. The thrill vibe is always a draw. It’s a vibe of fun, joy, and delight. It is life itself. Life is what we spirits thrive on. Life is our food. We must have life if we are to have, well, life.

It was a couple of humans humping and moaning away, really going at it. The thrill vibe can come from any creatures getting it on. But I liked the human thrill vibe the most. That’s because I was a real twisted fuck.

Humans are the stupidest of all the creatures in the physical realm. And yet they’re also the smartest. Humans are just really messed up. Like me. If I had been more mature and developed spiritually, and had not allowed myself to degenerate so badly, the human vibe would not have been my thing. I’d of gone for the rodent vibe, or worm vibe, or, if I was among the most advanced, maybe the bacteria or virus vibe.

One of the stupidest and most biased of human beliefs is that we reincarnate into more and more advanced creatures, in the physical realm, until we finally enjoy the rare opportunity of becoming human. It’s supposedly the pinnacle of reincarnative achievement, according to some gurus and other illuminati.

But think about it. The math won’t allow it. Consider how many bacteria, plants, insects, and animals populate this world. It’s one hell of a lot more than humans, by an astronomical amount. If they were all advancing toward human life, planet Earth would soon be overwhelmed. It would not be able to sustain the vast numbers of new people being born.

Here’s the real truth. We use the physical realm as a kind of school. We must face many dilemmas in the physical realm, and from these we learn many lessons that help us to develop spiritually.

Some dunderheads have to go to remedial education. And so we’re born as more advanced, complicated creatures, such as mammals, who have to deal with complicated problems. And the worst of us, like you and me, are born as humans, who are not physically adapted to this world, and thus face the most complex and challenging issues of all.

But the more we advance spiritually, the less we need to learn from the physical realm. And so the most advanced spirits incarnate into the simplest creatures, such as bacteria, which typically have very short life spans and uncomplicated lifestyles. They usually just come here for brief, routine exercise, then quickly get back to their lives on the Other Side.

And that’s why we have so much bacteria on our planet. There are a lot of advanced spirits on the Other Side seeking a little tiny bit of spiritual exercise on This Side. You wouldn’t believe how many. It’s impossible to count them all.

Unfortunately, humans were what I, and all my friends, related to the most on the Other Side. We were in a tiny minority at the very bottom of the spiritual hierarchy. Which, by the way, looks a lot like an inverted pyramid. I once was advanced, but I allowed myself to degenerate badly. And now I was among the lowest of the low. Lower than whale shit, and at the bottom of that upside-down pyramid.

But minority though we were, we formed a pretty large crowd compared to populations in the physical realm. Why, there were more than a billion of us lowly spirits just at this one party alone. And we all dug the human vibe.

So there we all were, our spirits jumping with glee into the balls of this man humping his lady, and fighting over his sperm cells. I got into one successfully and held on for the joy ride.

What always happened in these cases was, I’d be ejaculated into some skanky vagina, and have a fun little adventure swimming up toward the cervix, uterus, and that distant, impossible-to-reach, golden egg.

Things always turned out well, because I never actually got to the egg. Not that I didn’t want to reach it. Some sort of mania always took me over and yeah, I’d go delirious as a hound on a fox hunt, trying to find the prey. But I was up against a billion other competitors, and barely stood a chance.

And then someone else would always shout “Bingo!” while all the rest of us cursed “Shit!” then shriveled up and died.

Then in a flash I’d pop back into the spirit world, feeling more electric and alive than ever. What fun I’d had! And the disappointment from not reaching the egg vanished like a cloud in a sunburst.

But not this time. No, fuck no, not this time. This time for some crazy reason, I guess by pure luck, I happened to land in the strongest sperm cell of all. And I swam like Michael Phelps himself. This time, there I was, right at the lead, looking and feeling like a champ. Suddenly, right before my little tadpole eye, loomed the gigantic golden egg itself.

A couple of strong swimmers pulled up beside me, and it was a race to the finish. My delirium swept me into a vicious madness. I tripped up one of my competitors by grabbing its tail, and whipped the other in the face with my own writhing tail. And then, whoosh! I plunged straight into the face of the sun!

But so did a few hundred others. We all started chewing like we were in a pie-eating contest, on this delicious egg, trying to be the first to penetrate the shell.

Suddenly I felt a crunch and a caving in, and the thrill vibe surged through me like a billion volts of alternating current. The biggest orgasm I’d had in eons coursed through my soul, blowing my mind out and dissolving me into a misty field of nothingness.

All faded to white.

I was the first to bust through the egg. I won the race! I was conceived, and became a human embryo.

Damn!

This was not what I expected or wanted. No, not before the delirium overtook me. Because every rational minded spirit knows what birth into the physical realm entails. Especially human birth. It is hell. The worst of hells.

It is the perception of mortality, and a struggle for survival every moment of your existence. It’s a bad trip, where your mind grows deluded and desperate. Nothing makes sense, unless you trick yourself into thinking you know everything. You find yourself blindly following a maze, and every direction you attempt to go ends up in a different, unintended vector.

No, the spiritual realm is the best place to be, even for a degenerate like me. A smart spirit only wants to dally with the physical realm. To live for just a few hours or days as an unsuccessful sperm is good enough. It’s a momentary joy ride, that breaks up the equanimous bliss of eternity. And it also helps us to advance a little bit spiritually. Not nearly as fast as one advances if born into the physical realm, but eventually, after a hell of a long time and a whole lot of sperm rides, we can get back up there with the most advanced beings.

To get trapped in the physical realm is not what anyone wants. But it does happen from time-to-time. And on this rare occasion it happened to me. I guess it was my turn to be the unlucky lucky one.

The sperm cell roadster I’d carjacked contained an X and Y chromosome. And so, in just nine human months, I was destined to become a baby boy.


Come on back in a few days, or so, for the next installment of The Birth of Tippy Gnu, entitled, The First Trimester, Part 1: Mom and Dad.

Planet of the Humans


Stolen Quote:
We’re kind of like cockroaches on the planet, and no matter how much damage we’ll do, enough of us will survive to procreate and keep it going. ~ unidentified woman, interviewed in the documentary film, Planet of the Humans.


Planet of the Humans is a documentary that was executive produced by ultra-liberal and self-avowed socialist Michael Moore. It’s surprising that this documentary was produced by such a liberal, because it turns the environmental movement on its head. It exposes hypocrisy and a disturbing fraud facilitated by the darlings of green energy.

These darlings include former Vice-President Al Gore, Bill McKibben (founder of the environmental movement, 350.org), Van Jones (CNN commentator and Barack Obama’s Special Advisor for Green Jobs), Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, and the Sierra Club. Planet of the Humans takes these leaders to task, inferring corruption, especially for their support or promotion of biomass as a form of green energy.

Biomass, or biofuel, energy often involves the widespread clear-cutting of forests in order to generate electricity through the burning of wood. The film claims that the fossil fuel consumed cutting down forests and hauling logs to “green” energy power plants, could instead be used for generating electricity, and would produce as much electricity as the biomass power plants produce themselves.

The film also points out that burning wood pollutes the air with carbon dioxide, about as much as burning coal. And that aside, we also need our forests in our fight against climate change.

Wood isn’t the only questionable biofuel. The film shows a gruesome clip of whole cows being tossed into an animal shredding machine, which helps to render fat from the cows, for the production of biomass animal fat. And ethanol takes a hit, because it comes from farm crops, such as corn, that require fossil fuels to raise, harvest, and transport.

Biomass is portrayed by the film as a fraud perpetrated upon the American and worldwide public for the purpose of profiting from lucrative government subsidies. When we think of biomass, we think of green energy, environmental friendliness, and the saving of our planet, and so we don’t mind the subsidies provided to big businesses that utilize biomass. But this form of renewable energy apparently does far more harm to our planet than good, according to Moore’s documentary.

What is Moore disturbing (get the pun?), is that we now have hundreds of biomass power plants scattered throughout our country, and many Moore worldwide. For instance, Germany has been praised for its progress at producing green, renewable energy, and yet the film depressingly points out that most of this energy is from biomass.

Planet of the Humans also takes on solar and wind energy. It shows the huge amount of environmental destruction required to construct vast fields of solar panels and wind turbines. And it points out the amount of destructive mining required to harvest rare earth minerals and other raw materials needed for constructing solar panels and wind turbines. And back to the efficiency question, the film suggests that the fossil fuel required to produce solar and wind energy materials might be more efficiently used just generating electricity by itself.

Planet of the Humans was cynically released on Earth Day, April 22nd of this year. It’s been met by a withering barrage of criticism from many environmentalists. Apparently, they don’t like their sacred cows to be tipped. Some have accused Michael Moore of playing into the hands of Big Oil. And many have accused the film of inaccuracies and spin.

Actually there does seem to be some spin and distortion of facts in this documentary. Not a great amount, in my view, but some. On the whole, I’ve found the documentary to be thought-provoking. I’ve often wondered just how much bullshit pervades the environmental movement.

For instance, our local trash company uses two different garbage trucks to pick up trash. One is for non-recylables and the other for recyclables. It’s my understanding that most of the “recyclables” don’t actually get recycled. Instead, they end up at the dump. But consider how much extra fossil fuel is used to power two different diesel-guzzling garbage trucks, to do the job of one.

I was a letter carrier for several years at the Palm Springs, California post office. All of our mail trucks sported a bumper sticker that read, “Powered by clean, natural gas.” A lie. They were all powered by regular ol’ gasoline. The engines had been modified so that we could use natural gas if we wanted, but we never did.

It seems that all you have to do to make something environmentally acceptable to the general public, is slap a green sticker on it. It’s called greenwash, and I suspect it’s far more pervasive than most people imagine. Planet of the Humans has done much to uncover this fraud, even if it might exaggerate the problem to some extent.

Planet of the Humans was recently pulled from YouTube, citing an alleged copyright infringement. This so-called copyright infringement involves the unauthorized use of a 4-second clip, shot by a photographer who disagrees with the documentary. Michael Moore has justified using this 4-second clip as falling under the Fair Use Doctrine, and has accused YouTube of blatant censorship.

But the website, Gizmodo, has hailed YouTube’s decision, lambasting Planet of the Humans as “garbage”. Garbage or not, Rotten Tomatoes has thus far given the film a 64% score.

This documentary seems intended to point out that it’s futile to try to save our way of life through renewable energy. It argues that the only way to prevent a mass die-off of the human species is to vastly reduce the amount of humans occupying our planet. But the film doesn’t specify how to accomplish such population control, and this leads to accusations from critics of suggesting eugenics and ecofascism.

But I think Planet of the Humans does a fairly decent job making its overall point. I felt sad and alarmed while watching this documentary. But I also appreciate the courage of Michael Moore for risking brickbats from his liberal peers, while exposing hypocrisy and fraud in the environmental movement.

You can watch the full, 100-minute movie for free, until the end of June, at this website: https://planetofthehumans.com/

The Birth of Tippy Gnu: Preface

We begin my book, The Birth of Tippy Gnu, with the Preface. Every few days following this will be a new installment, as we progress deeper and deeper into the book.


The Birth of Tippy Gnu:
Preface

 

From a young age, my megalomaniacal ego urged me to write my autobiography. But my pride in my humility always resisted this urge. The two forces battled it out for decades, but finally pride lost. One day I caved into my ego, faced my keyboard, rubbed my hands together, cackling like a madman, and commenced typing.

I didn’t get far. For the life of me, I could not get past the time of my birth. I kept drawing a blank. But I persevered, and finally managed to conjure up some memories. These were the highlights of my life. My achievments. But as I pondered these highlights, I felt a powerful lethargy dragging me under. I couldn’t stop yawning. And eventually I succumbed to a deep sleep.

Over and over, day after day, I repeated this exercise of reviewing the highlights of my life, only to find myself face first on top of my keyboard, with drool shorting out the circuits beneath.

I learned to buy cheaper and cheaper replacement keyboards. But I couldn’t figure out how to prevent losing consciousness, and over time even these cheap keyboards put a strain on my wallet. Finally one day, as I was chucking a fried keyboard into the trash, the truth hit me. I realized I had no interest in the highlights of my life. I was literally boring myself to death.

It occurred to me that what I was most interested in was not the things that happened after I was born, but rather, the events prior to birth.

I felt much more excited about what happened before I exited the womb, than after. Because it seemed to me that one cannot understand the after until one becomes acquainted with the before. The before explains it all. And then there’s no need to discuss the after, and all the monotonous details.

All anybody needs, to understand my life, is to know what was going on with me before I arrived in this world. Before my birth. Before the water broke. Before each trimester. And even before conception. That is where the foundation lies. And the grand design. The blueprint. That is what makes me, me.

Therefore, this autobiography of Tippy Gnu is about the birth of Tippy Gnu. It’s about what happened before birth, during, and immediately after. It does not concern itself with the details of my childhood, my schooling, my romances, my various careers, nor any other folderol I may have involved myself in as a human bean.

After the reader learns about my birth, the reader will know as much about me as the reader will need to know.

Birth is the creation of human life. It’s as much a spiritual event as it is biological. The two are intertwined, at first loosely, but gradually more and more tightly, like a spool of string reeling in a kite. In this autobiography, I’ll provide the spiritual details. But I’ll also throw in some biological minutia, for your scientific curiosity. For the former, I spent my research time in meditative reflection. For the latter, I researched on the internet.

I’ll take the reader through the biological stages of human gestation, from conception all the way to parturition. And I’ll throw my soul, my spirit, the very heart of me, into these stages, and show how they affected my inner core. That is how the reader will learn about me. That is how the reader will come to understand my true essence.

So now, let’s go back. Way back. Back to when I was not thought about in this world, nor ever had been. To a time when Earth had been spinning along on its wobbly orbit quite well without me for over four billion years. To a time before conception, when I was but a twinkle in my happy-go-lucky father’s eye. For that is where my story starts.

That is the true beginning.


Come on back in a few days for that true beginning, when I’ll post Conception: Introduction to The Birth of Tippy Gnu.

An Old Birth Is Born


I recently finished writing a short book. It’s my autobiography, and I had to keep it short. That’s because I only wanted to cover my accomplishments, and skip over all the bad stuff.

I call it, The Birth of Tippy Gnu, or TBOTG. It’s a mere 12,000 words, so it hardly qualifies as a book, but for my own pride’s sake, that’s what I’m calling it.

I’m parceling it into 14 or so installments, which I’ll soon be posting for your reading displeasure. In fact, this fantastic, intriguing, inspiring yawner will be born tomorrow, with the first installment. TBOTG will provide handy filler for my blog over the next month or so, allowing me to kick back and start doing what I’ve always been doing. Which is kicking back.

I wrote this book for the purpose of becoming rich and famous. But if that doesn’t happen, I at least hope to have fun reading and responding to any comments readers might leave. That’s always a trip. 🙂

So tomorrow I will be born again. And what’s great is, I don’t even have to attend a revival meeting. Stick around for all the fun, entertainment, and lurid details. I hope everyone likes TBOTG. Or at least a majority of my readers. Or at least a few. One, maybe?

And as you read along, maybe we will be drawn closer together, until somewhere near the end we become like family. I hope so. Because then I will ask you for a loan.

And with that, I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early, for a fresh new start in life.

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