The Pros and Cons of Dicks

A dick pic. Benito Mussolini.

This post is about dictators. But the word dictators is polysyllabic and awkward to frequently pronounce, so I’m shortening it to dicks.

I’ve heard talk about President Trump trying to become a dick. How naive. He already is a dick.

Our form of government enables him to be a dick. The U.S. government is structured to be part dictatorship and part democracy. The president of the United States wields enormous power under our laws, that are somewhat dictatorial. That’s any president, and not just Trump.

America’s dick is limited in scope. He doesn’t have total power, because Congress and the Supreme Court can keep him partially in check. And most importantly, he can be held accountable by the people. He can be voted out of office after his first term, and he’s limited to only two terms. So he can only be a partial potentate, and cannot engorge himself with full dick powers.

Some worry that Trump is trying to rig our election system to get reelected, and may also try to get around his term limits. If he succeeds then he would rise to the fullest of dick statures. And when I consider that 90% of Republicans support Trump no matter what he does, I can only conclude that millions of Americans want our country to be ruled by a complete dick.

I don’t knock Republicans for this. I’ve heard good things about dicks. There are pros and cons to everything, and an argument can be made for having a total dick in the Oval Office.

On the other hand, I think we need to know what we’re getting ourselves into on this road we’re traveling down. So lets explore the pros and cons of dicks.


  • Pro #1: Dicks are fun and thrilling. They’re often witty, charming, and charismatic. Their winsome personalities mesmerize their followers, who then stroke their dicks with lavish praise. This leads to blind shows of support, and allows their dicks to rise in power, and stand erect with pride before the adoring masses.
  • Pro #2: Dicks get ‘er done. Nobody can oppose the stiff determination of a dick. This allows them to zip along with their policies, and fly past the judicial and legislative constraints that inhibit democracies.
  • Pro #3: Dicks fight crime. They can order judges to come down hard on criminal defendants, and disregard their uppity demands for rights, during trials. It’s only natural that when a dick stands up to crime, the penal system swells with the “bad blood” of society.
  • Pro #4: Dicks eliminate corruption. Conduct like bribery and influence peddling, that are illegal in democracies, are made legal by dicks. And because they are legal, they cannot be exposed as corrupt.
  • Pro #5: Dicks bring experience to government. Cabinet heads who are willing to suck up to the dick that appointed them can keep their posts for a long time. And after decades of dick service, they come to an intimate understanding of their jobs.
  • Pro #6: Dicks have stable governments. They often remain in office for dozens of years. Once a dick penetrates the highest office of the land, its hard to make him pull out.


  • Con #1: The primary goal of dicks is to thrust themselves into power and keep thrusting. Dicks will do anything to become dicks and remain dicks, no matter how much they screw up the country, and no matter how often they fuck people over.
  • Con #2: Dicks fight wannabe dicks. There can be only one dick in place at a time, and that one dick is always on the lookout for dissenters and challengers. Anyone with the balls to display even the slightest sign of uprising will be quickly kicked down with violent force.
  • Con #3: Dicks spread the disease of hatred. They infect the citizens they’re screwing over, with fear and bigotry toward groups of innocent people, such as minorities. They blame these groups for everyone’s problems and, with orgiastic frenzy, direct campaigns of domination and sadistic violence against them.
  • Con #4: Dicks are bad for international relationships. Leaders of nations that support human rights see how dicks are raping their own nations and robbing their own people of dignity. So they push the dicks aside and won’t play with them. The only leaders that will play with dicks, are other dicks. But even then these relationships are untrustworthy and tenuous, because after all, these dicks are dicks, and dicks will always behave like dicks.
  • Con #5: Dicks are bad for the economy. When they first come to power they inject the economy with a steamy mix of excitement and confidence, and the Gross Domestic Product grows bigger and bigger. But economic miscarriages of justice ensue. Only a tiny class of very rich people is born, while everyone else gets pissed on. When people realize this, they lose their enthusiasm to be productive, abort their efforts, and the economy collapses.
  • Con #6: Dicks die. No matter how big and powerful a dick grows, eventually he will shrivel up and die. Initially this may bring relief to those being fucked until raw and bleeding. But citizens become dependent upon their dicks to maintain order. The power vacuum that ensues when a dick dies can lead to a period of chaos, until a new dick rises and inserts himself into position.

This could be our last President’s Day if Trump is reelected. That’s a pro, since President’s Day is the most boring holiday on the calendar. After this we’ll have Dick’s Day instead. Dick’s Day can be very exciting, though less and less for me, the older I get.

If you agree more with the pros than the cons of having a total dick in office, or worry more about the cons than the pros, then check out my countdown calendar in the sidebar. Meanwhile, have a happy, final President’s Day!


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