How To Catch a Unicorn

Posted on by 76 comments

Unicorns come in many shapes and sizes, and are never what we expect.


I’ve had the good fortune of catching a few unicorns in my life. It hasn’t been easy, and I’ve had to climb a long learning curve. But I’ve gained much experience, and now I’d like to pass along some of the lessons I’ve learned from my many years on the hunting trail.

First, you must always remember that there’s no sure-fire formula for catching a unicorn. Unicorns are intelligent and elusive creatures. They quickly figure out your hunting techniques, and so after you’ve caught one or two, they’ll never let you catch another again. At least not with the same techniques. Unless you wait a long time, and rely on their forgetfulness, for unicorns can be forgetful.

But if you’re impatient like me, then your best bet is to constantly change your hunting methods. Don’t rely on a single formula for very long.

I use bows and arrows, carbine rifles, snares, lassos, pit traps, gentle persuasion, and hand grenades. I hunt upwind, downwind, crosswind, and sometimes I shoot the bastards by helicopter. I’ve chased them down on foot, horseback, and motorcycle. And I’ve flushed them out of cover utilizing battue, hound dogs, and mating calls.

There’s no one simple formula that reliably catches unicorns for very long. You’ve got to mix it up, constantly using your thinker to devise new plans.

Of course you know from my blog page WHAT’S A UNICORN?, that I define a unicorn as anything that’s unique, whether it be a unique thought, experience, or life situation. Unicorns feed our hearts, minds, and souls with variety and life, and dispel the hunger of boredom.

That’s why the same hunting technique stops working after awhile. It becomes too predictable. Uniqueness is anything but predictable. Uniqueness must have variety.

So if you want to kill your boredom by catching unicorns, keep trying new and different things. Open your mind and let them out. Have some courage and reject convention. Step out of the box and skewer it with a unicorn horn.

Keep at it and you’ll find one just around the corner. Perhaps not the next corner, but somewhere down the line. As long as you don’t give up, then when you least expect it, a one-horned beast will spring out at you, frothing and snorting.

It will be a fearful sight. Steel yourself. Try not to turn and run. Avoid the danger of the pointy horn, so that neither you nor anyone else gets hurt. Then grab that fucker by the mane, and swing yourself up on its back.

And go for the ride of your life.

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