
The Piss Poor Potato Eaters, by Vincent Van Gough, 1885. Or maybe it’s just called The Potato Eaters.
Wouldn’t you know it, a crank has submitted a unicorn beam, for a guest post. Her full name is Cranky Pants, although I will lazily refer to her as CP. CP honestly admits she didn’t write this. Yep, she stole a unicorn. But that’s okay, unicorns respect honest thieves.
CP wants us to know how folks lived back in medieval times. Especially the folks who were piss poor. Like all of my ancestors.
If you’re the empty-pocketed type who often doesn’t have two nickels to rub together, I think you’re going to enjoy this piss poor submission from CP.
Did you know…..??
They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were “piss poor.”
But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot; they “didn’t have a pot to piss in” & were the lowest of the low.
The next time you are washing your hands & complain because the water temperature isn’t just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. Since they were starting to smell, however, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women, and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it . . . hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the Bath water!”
Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof, resulting in the idiom, “It’s raining cats and dogs.”
There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed, therefore, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.
The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt, leading folks to coin the phrase “dirt poor.”
The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way, subsequently creating a “thresh hold.”
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while, and thus the rhyme, “Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.”
Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, “bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and “chew the fat.”
Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the “upper crust.”
Lead cups were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial.. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up, creating the custom of holding a wake.
England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be saved by the bell, or was considered a dead ringer.
Categories: Unicorn Beams
How nice of CP to share this. It does make you feel gratitude for the things we so often take for granted, like you said.
So thats how Canopy beds got started. My daughter always wanted one. 🙂
Poor Baby and the bathwater!
I would not want to be the one sitting in the graveyard, no graveyard shift for me!
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Maybe it’s all relative. If you’ve never had indoor plumbing, or the other amenities of modern living, you wouldn’t miss it. Life was simpler then, even if it was tougher in some ways.
Perhaps your daughter was afraid bugs would fall on her, in her sleep.
I’d take the graveyard shift. Imagine being paid for sitting around doing nothing. I’d probably sneak in some naps, too.
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There is something to be said for simplicity, I will agree!
No, I don’t think my daughter was afraid of bugs falling. 🙂
Oh yes getting paid to just sit and do nothing wouldn’t be bad. I am just not sure that I want to hear the bell ring! May be a rude awakening from your nap!
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The bell ringing would be very scary. I’m not sure if I’d run, or if I’d be brave enough to find a shovel and dig some poor bastard out of their hole.
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Hmmmm….I believe you would run, not sure how good you are at digging people OUT of holes. Just saying … 🙂
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Well heck, after all the times I’ve saved you . . .
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Umm…excuse me…did I read this correctly? ! All the times you “saved” me????
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Whoops, thanks for pointing out that typo. Okay, now that I’ve corrected “save” to “saved” it’s 100% accurate.
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Haha! Yeah right! You meant to say “inaccurate” . Right?
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Now I think your spellchecker is malfunctioning.
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Nope! My spelling has actually been very accurate today! But of course you and someone else haven’t noticed that!
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Well we weren’t aware that your sister was helping you today.
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..mmm…!!
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Good burn!
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Well thank you lady! High-five! 😄
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High-five!
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Why don’t you two go surfing, and Hang-ten?
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That kind of sounds like fun. Are you sending us to Hawaii?
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I’m fine. Hawaii-you?
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Yes
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Oh yes, great idea!! That would be so kind of you Tippy!
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I think it would be very kind of him and we deserve it.
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Totally!!!
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Aloha! I’m practicing
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Doesn’t that mean “a short laugh?”
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No
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I kind of disagree.
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About what?
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You tell me.
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And do your job?
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What job?
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Umm…?
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Yeah, kind of stupid.
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LOL! No it would be very smart of course. We would even send you a postcard! You could deliver it to yourself, since you were a mailman. 😄
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How about if I send you the money for the trip, in a postcard?
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Funny!
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I don’t surf but I will lay on the beach anytime, when should we leave! 🙂
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Me too.
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Perfect! 😊 I already feel the rays. 🏖🌞🌞🌊🌊
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Those are sting rays, which inhabit the shallow waters of Waikiki.
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SUN rays!! 😝
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And the relaxation..
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Definitely!
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Trust me he deserved that remark and more! LOL!
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Yeah, right.
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Absolutely right! 😉
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Ahem.
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Oh he does. He really does. Shhh…don’t tell him though.
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My lips are sealed! But yes, he really does!! Apparently he has already forgotten the shining examples from Wednesday and Thursday of him pushing me into, Oops! I mean “saving” me from a hole!
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He did what?!
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Don’t believe her.
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Now I’m in a pickle. I think a story need be told here..
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All you have to do is read the first couple comments from his post on Wednesday and you will see that I am right. 🙂
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Go on, lead her on a wild goose chase.
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You are right even if he thinks you’re not.
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😊 I knew you would see it my way! 🥂 LOL!
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Always.
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😎
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She probably wants to borrow money from you.
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Haha! But I don’t have no rich Uncle. 🙂
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Why is everybody picking on me?
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Easy target?
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😂
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Yup! You see his big head and how can you miss! 😝
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I have to have a big head, to hold all my big thoughts.
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LOL!
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Exactly!
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Did you tape a “Kick Me” sign to my back?
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We didn’t need too. It’s just a given.
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Ooof.
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Heh heh
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If you’re in a pickle, watch out for toothpicks.
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I’ll just eat it. I like pickles.
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Yes! Stand up for me Gibber! I could have really used you the past 2 days but hey its not too late! Just go take a look at the comments on his “Bread” post from Wednesday and all the shining examples of “saving” me a hole, from the 2 stooges, Tippy and that other guy’s name which starts with a C, will be there!
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She doesn’t need to look at all that. She has my word.
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“Your word”, think I need another large cup of water. One of those sudden coughing attacks is coming on.
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So, you stop it by pouring water over your head?
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Umm….not exactly! Though if there was someone standing beside me I may very well pour it on them! Just saying. 🙂
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Seems like I need to be around here for protection more often. I’ll sharpen my golden shovel..
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Yes you do! And good idea.
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lol
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She’ll really dig that.
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Ba doom boom
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I’m so hilarious.
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That you are!
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Just to let you know I was as innocent as always this time! Minding my own business, read Tippy’s blog post on Wednesday and then the comments and to my surprise my name had come up in a conversation that I had nothing to do with! So of course I had to give my input! LOL!
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Of course!
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She has quite an imagination, CP.
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Oooh yes I do have an imagination BUT this isn’t my imagination. It is all in black and white. Though my imagination does sometimes wonder how often my name is mentioned in conversations that may go on between the 2 stooges, that I don’t see. But now thats just my imagination, right. 🙂
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I have no idea what you’re talking about.
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Well that is good then it is just my imagination like I said. 🙂
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I agree.
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Push, save, it’s all the same.
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zzz . . . ahmph . . . blblblblb . . .zzzz
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He’d better take something for that snoring though.
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I need a sleep apnia mask.
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I can’t see how those uncomfortable looking things would help someone sleep. lol
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Maybe it depends on what they’re inhaling through those masks.
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Well now there’s a thought I had never thunk..
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Thtick with me and you’ll be thurprised what thoughts you’ll have thunk.
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It thur sounds like it
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Yeah, right.
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You know it was.
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😄
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Uh-huh . . .
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lol
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I would not want to be one buried alive either. lol
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For sure!! That would be too scary for me!
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With all the holes you’ve been in, how could that scare you?
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Haha! Well it may have a little to do with being sealed in a coffin with no way out! I may get, be pushed in holes, but I do find my way out at least.
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Yep, you remind me of an escape artist. In fact you’re a dead ringer.
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The thought of it makes one shudder.
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The thought of a shudder makes me nervous.
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Why?
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Why wouldn’t it?
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What? I forget what we were talking about.
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So, we were talking?
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I’m not sure. Where we?
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Umm . . .
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You’re supposed to know. You’re the traveler..
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Not too sure about your facts, but you get 10/10 for creativity. 🙂
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They’re not my facts, they’re CP’s. Which she stole from someone else. Who probably got creative while coming up with them.
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Not sure of all the facts but I have heard that before about the wedding bouquets. Strong herbs and spices were mixed in with the flowers to ward off evil spirits and to also help mask the odor.
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I wonder if they used garlic, to ward off vampires.
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I should add that I think the strong herbs and spices probably did a better job at masking the odor than they did of warding off any evil spirits! 🙂
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I agree. In fact I’ve heard that evil spirits enjoy strong herbs and spices.
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I can’t believe that it didn’t scare the groom away.
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LOL!
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Maybe grooms couldn’t smell it, what with all the herbs and spices they were wearing also.
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Well, she smells better’n me trusty ole mule.
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Sure, and as long as you smell better than the groom’s mule, you pass the sniff test and can get married.
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Not that I am one to criticize when it comes to the spousal selection process. I would have probably done just as well with the mule smell comparison I think.
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Too bad. Did you check her teeth and fetlocks before taking the vows?
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Very interesting post. Ugh, the scratch marks and bell ringing; that’s a nightmare.
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Sure is. It probably only happened to people who didn’t snore.
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I can’t say for sure but I’m pretty sure this stuff is factual. If you’ve ever been to the Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum, they, have a lot on some of this stuff.
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Yes, but it’s Ripley’s Believe it or NOT. So you don’t know what is truth and what is fiction. Kind of like listening to a Trump speech.
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Well dammit.
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I would think, and this may just be me being all sophisticated and cultured, but I think that if you were getting married that you could splurge a little and take an unscheduled bath before the ceremony. At least go jump in the creek.
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Or at the very least, they could postpone their bath until June. I mean, what’s a few weeks of extra filth gonna hurt?
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