Holding Trump’s Balls

Posted on by 30 comments

Last year on December 17th, I predicted that Trump would be impeached and gone by the end of 2019. How stupid of me.

Senate Majority Turtle, Mitch McConnell.

Trying to predict politics is like trying to augur the outcome of a grasshopper race. But at least I was partly right, because Trump was impeached exactly one year and one day after my post. However I didn’t predict that our Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, would promise a quick acquittal for our Gaslighter-in-Chief.

The grasshopper jumped backward.

Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi.

And now the grasshopper has jumped another odd direction. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is withholding the articles of impeachment from the Senate, until she’s sure Trump will receive a fair trial.

Pundits and politicians from both parties have puzzled over this move. Some worry that Americans will lose interest in impeachment, the longer the trial is delayed. Some claim she has no leverage. And some taunt her by saying she’s too scared to send the articles over.

But I think it’s an act of genius. Hanging onto the articles could make the grasshopper jump in any of these four directions:

  1. It could allow Mitch and Nancy to move legislation and pass laws. Mitch has said that he won’t put his large backlog of bills before the Senate unless he knows the president will sign them. Well Mitch, now you have some leverage. Either the president promises to sign some bills, or you make a deal with Nancy. It’s ironic. The most partisan impeachment in history has potential for the most bipartisan legislation in history.
  2. It might lead Republican senators who are up for re-election next year, to vote for conviction. Right now they’re caught in a bind. If they vote to convict, they’ll lose their primaries, even when it would help them in the general election. But if the trial is held after they’ve already won their primaries, they’ll only have the general election to worry about.
  3. It allows time to force more evidence before the trial occurs. The fight for subpoenaed documents and witnesses might be resolved by the Supreme Court before the Senate trial occurs. This might pile more damning evidence upon the current mountain of evidence against Trump.
  4. But most importantly, I think, holding this Sword of Damocles over Trump’s head could motivate him to be a good little boy. He’s pissed off Republicans before, but never while at their mercy during an impeachment trial. Now he might think twice before going off half-cocked and doing things that jeopardize our national security or our economic stability.

So keep dangling that sword, Nancy. Or how about this metaphor? The two articles of impeachment you’re hanging onto are like Trump’s balls. Don’t let go. Make the son-of-a-bitch sweat until perhaps this summer. How about a Senate trial during the Republican National Convention, for instance?

His balls are in your court Nancy. Put the squeeze on hard before you give them a whack toward the Senate’s court.

In a way, perhaps I was right about Trump being gone by the end of 2019. For while he will still occupy the White House into 2020, maybe he won’t be the same Trump we’ve known. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll turn into someone unrecognizable:

A mild-mannered man with no balls.

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