I’ve created a time drain. A book. Just what you need, right? Yet another book from a blogger.
All books are time drains. [Photo by icon0.com on Pexels.com]
All books are time drains, and most are not worth any drained time reading. That’s why you and I haven’t bothered to read most of the books of this world. Hell, we’ve got better things to do.
I don’t like to waste people’s time, so my book is small. It’s about a three-hour read if you’re a slow reader like me. But that’s still three hours of your precious time. So I’m not going to ask you to read it at all.
But I am going to offer it. And if you’re feeling bored enough or curious enough, and all the little tasks and chores you have to do in your day are complete, and you’re just sitting around wondering what the heck to do, you’re free to give my book a go.
And you may be pleased to know that my book costs nothing. I wrote this book about four years ago and tried to sell it for 99-cents a pop as an Amazon Kindle publication. I believe I sold one copy. Or maybe I’m exaggerating.
Recently I made a few small revisions, and then decided to offer it for free. I figure if I can’t get rich, at least maybe I can get famous. My book will be available as a free pdf download, right here on this blog.
But books are great intrusions into the time of others, so like I say, I’m not asking you to read it. Nor do I expect you to. Not even if you’re my best blogging buddy. In fact especially not, in that case.
I’m sorry for this apologia, but a book is nothing to be proud of. A book is at worst a fraud and at best a deeper expression of one’s inner being than one feels comfortable exhibiting. Most books are somewhere in between. I’ve tried to brave discomfort and keep this book as pure as possible, but I suspect at least a little fraud may have been smuggled in by my bashful subconscious. And that will be to your detriment and waste of time.
But I hope the pure elements will outweigh the adulterated, to make this read an overall benefit for you, should you decide to invest a piece of your life into perusing it.
The book will be unveiled soon. I wouldn’t be worth anything as an author if I couldn’t create some sense of suspense. So I won’t be telling you anything more about it until the unveiling. Now please, stop your yawning. You’re just going to have to wait a little while.
Give me a couple of days to iron out a few details. And then I’ll make the big announcement. That’s when you can wake up and, if you’re in the mood . . .
read my book.
Categories: books
Chasing Unicorns 
You wrote a book? How did you find time to do that between Cheezit eating and napping? Not to mention blogging?
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Oh this was years ago, when I was in solitary confinement at a maximum security facility. I managed to escape by gluing Cheezits together to form the shape of a gun. It fooled the guards, and also gave me something to eat while I was on the run.
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Well aren’t you clever and multi-talented.
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Solitary will do that to you.
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It seems so.
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you’re lucky they didn’t shoot you… cops can’t tell a cheez-it gun from a real one, I’ve heard. 🙂
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Maybe I am lucky. It also may have helped that I’m white.
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Intriguing! Thanks for understanding if I choose not to read it, but I just might anyway. Time will tell and we shall see.
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Then we’ll just let time take care of that. Who knows, maybe my book is just a one-horned goat.
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I’ll read yours if you read mine (about 10% written already!). If you put yours under cover and sign it for me, I might even pay a wee price for it. I have a small collection of signed first editions by my favorite blogging friends. The books themselves may never become famous, but maybe the collection will, in about 100 years, when no one can recall what a blogger was.
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I feel worried that with a deal like that we might both end up wasting our time. But I would be willing to read the first chapter of your book, if you want to read the first chapter of mine. Then if we want to read more, it’s up to us.
I doubt my book will ever be under cover, but it will be a pdf file that you can print out. So you can put it under your own cover. And maybe I could electronically sign it somehow.
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Where there’s a will, there’s a way, right? We bloggers should run the world.
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We will. This is our conspiracy. Don’t tell Trump.
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(oops. I’m on Twitter. Are you?)
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No, I don’t tweet. They don’t allow enough characters for the size of my rants.
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Do you need an editor? I know a cheap one. He does know how to spell poor. Or is it pore? I am sure that I will read your book; wasting time is one of my hobbies. Proof is that I have a blog.
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Nope. I done editted it myefl.
You’re very welcome to read my book. And if you want to review it, I can only hope I get as fine a review as Tim Challies got.
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Tippy, an author?
who knew?
congrats 🙂
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thanks.
now i’m like
all other bloggers
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A book that you wrote? Ooooooh, oooooh, the suspense is killing me. Everyone I know thinks a poet needs to publish a book to prove she’s serious about her craft. The truth is, poetry books do not make millions. Or even hundreds. I have this on good authority from fellow poets who have done it. I even wrote a poem about it:
WHERE WORDS END UP
Write from the heart, for only yourself
Build it and they will come
Acceptance by small local publications
Validating, a boon to the ego
Proud family and friends encourage
you to spread your wings, fly
Interminable waiting ends in rejection
Just beginning, already impatient
Discouraged and frustrated, lured in by
the temptation of self-publication
A faithful circle of readers cheers me on
The handful of folks who will
Invest fifteen bucks for a shiny copy and
feeling they’ve done their part
Leave me with eleven cases of paperbacks
Gathering dust in my basement
A testament to a writer’s hopeful gullibility
My words bound and gagged
With packing tape–unknown, unheard, unread
Musty pages to be unearthed
In a posthumous universe that spins on its axis
Both changing and unchanging
My musings on life deemed too little, too late
Or perhaps true and timeless
Rare signed first-editions now worth millions
Or unfit to kindle the stove
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Boy that poem sure tells it all. And not just for poets, but for us prosy folks too. But if we have one hand tied behind our backs, poets have two.
But we all have one small consolation these days. We can self-publish online at no cost whatsoever. And electronic books take up zero space in the basement.
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