Rate My Rant
Have you noticed lately that every time you do business with someone, they ask you to complete a customer satisfaction survey, or write some sort of review? At one time, not too long ago, I encountered this only occasionally. Once in a while I’d get a survey in the mail to rate my family physician. Or I’d be asked to write a review of a product I bought online. But only once in a while.
Now it seems to happen every friggin’ time.
It seems survey mania has crept over us, and now the solicitation of a survey after every transaction or interaction has become standard business practice.
Back in the day, when this only happened once in a while, I had no problem completing surveys. In fact I felt delighted at the chance to rate someone like my doctor. Until he sent me a letter begging me to always rate him with 10’s on every category.
That’s when I became cynical about surveys. It seems that if you give someone anything less than a 10, even if it’s a nice generous 9, it jeopardizes their job security, and puts them under heavy scrutiny from their superiors.
So I just stopped doing them. I chuck them in the trash. I close their pop-up boxes online. Fuck all those bastards who expect their employees to be perfect.
Besides, I just don’t have time to fill out all the goddamned surveys everyone wants me to complete.
Now that I’m finished with this rant, I need your feedback. How good was this rant? Did I express my complaint clearly? Did you feel my passion? Were my writing skills up to par? Please rate me on a scale of 1 to 10 in the following categories. But remember, any rating less than a 10 could result in my suspension from WordPress and banishment from social media altogether. And you wouldn’t want that to happen, would you?
Overall ranting effectiveness (1-10):
Clarity of this rant (1-10):
How moved were you into joining this rant? (1-10):
Display of technical skills in this rant (1-10 ):
Willingness to recommend this rant to a friend (1-10):
Rating Equivalents:
1=Completely insincere or incompetent.
2=I’ve got better things to do than read this crap.
3=Such feeble effort. You sound like Don Knotts.
4=You whine like my 3-year-old grandchild.
5=Okay, so you’ve made your point. Yawn.
6=I’m gonna write my Congressman! Just as soon as I . . . zzzzzz.
7=Wow, you rant like a grumpy old man!
8=Where’s a straitjacket? You insane, man!
9=You’re Hitler incarnate!
10=You’re a Trump-Tweeting Tyrant!
Thank you for taking the time to complete this godawful long survey.
You should have set that up through WP’s survey link (Survey Monkey?). It would have been hilarious. I’ve set up a couple of “surveys” that way just for the heck of it, and couldn’t believe it when people actually responded. Guess I must have gotten high marks because I’m still here.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Well heck, I guess I should have. Please don’t mark me down for neglecting that detail. I know I’m an awful blogger, but I still want those 10’s.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You get all 10s from me.
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Whew. Now I can keep blogging more rants.
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BRILLIANT RANT!
You get TENS all the way down the line.
AND I am now going to stop filling out those stupid surveys from CVS and the Chart House and etc., etc., etc.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Woohoo! Looks like my rant worked. If enough people join this movement, we can save the world from superfluous surveys.
LikeLiked by 1 person
After hand surgery my surgeon begged me to use their on-line portal to review my records. He said he gets “points” when his patients use it. Baffles me. I’d prefer he get “points” when a surgery is successful than when his client uses a service they may or may not need. Argh!
LikeLiked by 3 people
That’s pretty strange. Yeah, the real way to tell a good surgeon would be his success record. But just try finding that anywhere on the internet.
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10’s all around but we better do a survey to make sure…It was almost a 9 because no naps or Cheezits were mentioned in this rant.
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Sheesh, you guys are tough on me. I think my next rant will be about my reviewers.
LikeLiked by 1 person
As long as we get to review it.
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Dang, I didn’t think of that.
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That’s what I’m here for.
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Oh how I love a good rant! And how I hate being asked to complete surveys, both at work and at home, multiple times a day most days. I only fill them out when feeling especially benevolent, or especially guilty because I just sent out my workplace’s annual customer survey.
Found your blog from the commenters on Joanne’s. I too have an award-free blog by choice but never thought of asking people to send $ instead. You sir, are a genius. 🙂
Deb
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks. I’m still waiting for someone to give me an Andrew Jackson Award, but so far I haven’t even won a George Washington.
I love your handle, by the way.
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Thank you! Yours is clever 👏
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I’m simply not clever enough to add to the comments, HOWEVER … I must express my opinion, as weak and lacking in witty repartee as it may be.
A pox on surveys, I say. A POX!
When they say ‘if you can’t rate us a 10 out of 10, please call us immediately to discuss your concerns’, something is really wrong and the survey has simply become a weapon to hurt the employees.
Why should I be tickled pink and doing cartwheels just because you did what I paid you to do?
… and if you didn’t? Well, that’s a different rant.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Good points all around, in my view. The best rating is the money that’s paid for the product. I give this comment a 10.
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I was about to ‘woohoo’ … until I realized the 10 was for the comment, not me 😏
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But it was for YOUR comment, not mine. However I think I’ll give my comment a 10 also. That’s only fair.
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But of course!
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I’ll take a page fron you and decline to participate in this survey. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Smart thinking. I’ll give you a 10 for your time management skills.
LikeLiked by 1 person