The World Is Flat!
Breaking News: The world was proven flat on Saturday, March 25, 2018, when intrepid daredevil, “Mad” Mike Hughes launched himself 1,875 feet into the troposphere (yes, the TROPOSPHERE, I say!), in his homemade steam-powered rocketship.
You first heard about “Mad” Mike Hughes on this very blog (unless you heard elsewhere). That’s when I scooped the entire journalistic world, except the journalists who made me aware of this story, and told you about “Mad” Mike’s ambition. I even met his helper and saw the madman not more than 50 feet away. He ignored me. But I did take some snapshots of his crazy spaceship.
Yep, I like to keep you abreast of the cutting edge of science. And nonscience. And even, nonsense.
“Mad” Mike Hughes believes the world is as flat as a frisbee. But he doesn’t want you to take his word for it, he wants to prove it. So he built a steam-powered rocketship, which he has used several times now to penetrate the troposphere, and gaze upon this frisbee from on high. I guess there’s nothing like getting a birds-eye view of something, so you can tell exactly how it’s shaped.
“Mad” Mike’s first launch, several years ago, delivered him to heights of 1,500 feet. However this latest launch shattered his old record, bursting the 1,800 foot mark. This time he used two parachutes instead of one, and managed to avoid breaking both of his ankles again. But he does claim to have a sore back.
Actually, some of the above was fake news. I’m sorry. I hate to burst your bubble, but “Mad” Mike did not really prove the world is flat. All his launch did was raise our awareness of his flat earth cause. He claims he’ll have to launch himself some 68 miles up into the air before he can provide evidence of our planet’s flatness.
But he does plan to do this, in a fancy-fangled device called a “Rockoon”. This is a hybrid of a rocketship and balloon, that “Mad” Mike intends to invent.
We’re looking forward to it, “Mad” Mike, but we sincerely hope you will survive. We’re glad you returned to earth safely on Saturday, and we hope you always keep safety foremost in mind. Never deny the scientifically-proven fact that gravity can be very dangerous.
I now return you to your regular blog programming . . .