Claude Monet Reading a Newspaper, by Pierre Renoir, 1872.

The sheriff’s calls section of our local rag is replete with reports of Walmart shoplifters. They’re often caught concealing merchandise under their clothes. This worries me. I wonder, just how many things have I bought have at one time been down someone’s pants?

A tiny tot recently fell into a gorilla exhibit in Cincinnatti, which resulted in the shooting of the gorilla. Some blame the mother for this zoological tragedy. And of course, parents should always keep both eyes on their young children at all times, and never, ever look away. Not even for one second. Not even to eat food, or drink water. Not even to look both ways when crossing a street. Not even to make eye contact with another adult when engaged in conversation. Those pupils must be fixed. At all times. On that damned fucking little rugrat who keeps running around acting like a stupid fool.

Athletes are threatening to boycott the summer olympics in Brazil, due to the Zika virus. I say, why not just introduce a new game? Call it the Mosquito Slapoff. He who slaps off the most mosquitoes, and receives the fewest bites, wins a gold medal. This will motivate the athletes to avoid the proboscis of this insect, and return home safe and healthy.

Donald Trump was on a campaign stop here in southern California, when he proclaimed that we have plenty of water, and there is no drought. Can’t blame him for saying that, as I’ve been known to see mirages, myself. In fact I’m currently under the impression that the Donald has plenty of hair, and no need to sport a combover.

Bernie Sanders is doing his darndest to win the state of California in our upcoming primary, June 7th. So Hillary cancelled some campaign appearances in New Jersey, in order to give the golden state more attention. I don’t think Hillary has to worry about Bernie. But hey, any excuse to get out of Jersey, right?