Family

Lunatic Families

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The Scream - Vincent van Gogh

The Scream

A few days ago I was discussing lunatic families with a blogging buddy of mine named Gibber Jab. Actually, she’s only a comment buddy of mine. Hey, when are you going to get a blog, GJ?

But it got me to wondering just how many people have crazy families? I’m not talking about Addams Family crazy. No, let’s go out further. Let’s go way out there to Manson Family nuts. Got anyone in your family like that?

I do. In fact, there are several branches on my family tree that are full of squirrel food.

I’d like to impress you with the nuttiest branch I can find, then see if you can top me. So I’m going to tell you the story of my sister-in-law, “Reba”, and her children. (All the names have been changed, by the way, so don’t go trying to google their police records.)

Two of Reba’s kids are in prison. That would be my nephews, Lenny and Jay. Lenny’s locked up for molesting children and for selling child porn on the internet. He’s done ten years so far, and we expect he won’t see the light of day for at least another ten.

Jay has also done ten years. But he recently won parole, and will likely be released before the end of the year. He’s doing life for trying to stab a man to death, whom he randomly chose to kill. When Jay gets out, he plans to stay away from his crazy family, and settle in San Francisco. Wise decision, Jay. Glad to know you’re the sanest one of the bunch.

Then there’s my niece, Zena. She’s an intelligent young woman, but a very quiet wallflower. She keeps secrets. We suspect she was molested by Lenny while growing up, but I doubt you could ever drag that secret out of Zena. Her mother, Reba, taught her to be clandestine, and to never discuss family matters, even with family.

She graduated from high school with a full scholarship to a Catholic university. But she only finished one semester. Reba is a practicing Wiccan, and is rabidly anti-Christian, and hates Catholics. She convinced her daughter Zena to drop out and hook up with her high school boyfriend, who was a drug addict at the time.

Soon after getting married, she had a baby and went on welfare. But a few years later she divorced her drug-addict husband. Then she met a man in a bar and had sex with him in the parking lot. Nine months later she had another baby.

The father of her second child is an alcoholic. In fact he’s done several stints in prison from drunk driving convictions. He barely scratches out a livelihood, living in a ramshackle hut with no running water, out in the middle of the desert. He can’t pay child support, but still has joint custody. Zena won’t fight him on the child support or joint custody, because he knows a secret about her. I’ll get to that in a minute.

Zena recently had a boyfriend, but they broke up a few months ago. Zena is very heavy, but we doubt that’s the reason for the breakup. In a careless moment, she dared to allow her boyfriend inside her house. That’s when he called it quits on her. The inside of her house is her secret that the father of her second child holds over her.

Zena has lived with her mother, Reba, for the past eight years, where she’s raised her children, who are now 10 and 7. And Reba is a hoarder. Her house is filled from floor to ceiling with boxes of junk. And her car is so full of junk, she can’t drive it. And she rents four storage units, all piled full with junk. Reba is very sick in the head.

The house is a hazard to live in. It’s a mold hazard, fire hazard, and avalanche hazard, because of all the hoarded junk. If Child Protective Services discovered that Zena’s two children lived in these conditions, they would probably charge both her and her mother with child endangerment, and take her kids away from her. Their dysfunctional fathers would win full custody.

Shortly after Zena broke up with her last boyfriend, she discovered she was pregnant. Now she’s plotting child support revenge on him. But as my wife and I watch this drama unfold, we suspect Zena has met her Waterloo. The boyfriend knows about the packrat conditions she’s raising her children in. And unlike her previous paramours, he’s a decent man, with a decent income.

We doubt he’ll allow his child to be raised in a deathtrap house. One call to CPS, and Zena will lose all of her kids. He’ll gain custody of the one currently in her belly, and she’ll be the one footing the child support bill. And not just for one child, but for three.

It’s all coming to a head.

Meanwhile Zena, in her quiet, wallflowery way, has been hinting about committing suicide.

That’s my lunatic family story. Can you top it?

Categories: Family

24 replies »

  2. No. Mine isn’t that bad.

    My sister’s son got his girlfriend pregnant when she was 16 and he was 17. They had the baby and married. And divorced. She took to turning tricks for a while, then working for (and stealing from) elderly folks. She’s in jail now. I never did get to meet her …

    But I always do think about the families of people who commit horrific crimes. Sometimes we have a role in the craziness of a family member. Sometimes the craziness of a family member just takes over everybody’s lives. Must be horrible.

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  3. Well before I read all of this I thought I could top it but maybe not. I believe my grandfather and father are pedophiles. My father for sure is a narcissistic sociopath and very abusive. My mother has lived with this abuse and denial her whole life.Add in they call themselves Christians. She’s been turned against me by my father. She’s also betrayed me. She chose my uncle who abused me over me. I suspect she may have been abused by him (Her brother) too.
    My sister is narcissist divorced from a cheating man. She’s a cheater herself. She’s presently living with a married man much older than she who resembles my father. It looks like he’s a sugar daddy.
    They are both either functioning alcoholics or borderline alcoholics.
    I’m estranged from my parents and have been for over 5 years do to their abuse. In their minds it’s all my fault. I just recently started a surface relationship with my sister again in order to have contact with my nephews who so far are the most normal and healthy in our family.
    My mother battled kidney failure, and my father threatened to drown because her disease was ruining his retirement travel plans. My parents broke the law in canvassing so to speak for a kidney. In other words pressuring people to donate. Not allowed, they did it constantly. It goes on and on but I’ll stop there. lol

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    • I don’t know, it looks like maybe you have topped me. I feel sad for you that you have parents like that. It must be difficult to figure out how to get the most out of life when you grew up with those kinds of mentors.

      I’m surprised they’ve stayed together so long.

      I wonder how you pressure someone for a kidney. Is it like, “Hey bud, are you greedy or something. You don’t need that kidney. There’s someone much more deserving than you, so come on, give it up!”

      Well, I hope things keep getting better with your sister, as well as your nephews. As they say, time heals all wounds.

      But as for now, I think you’ve won the Lunatic Family Award. šŸ˜‰

      Yippee! (I guess)

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      • Yay me! LOL They were really on people to donate and then when one offered and started the process they pressured her to do it quicker..My mother ended up getting a cadaver kidney and they never told the lady going through all the testing to donate. I had to call and let her know. My mother’s been with my father since she was 16 she doesn’t know anything different. I’m not going to say it was an easy life but I’m doing better without them then I ever was with them. I’m grateful for my awesome nephews and the bit of a connection with my sister who is now seeing my parents abuse. She stopped catering to their every whim so now she’s not their “golden child” anymore. Now what to I get for my crazy family award? I think you should win it along with me..

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